February 13, References Approved. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. This article has been viewed 1, times. Ending a relationship is never easy. Though many people believe otherwise, ending a relationship can be just as emotionally exhausting as getting dumped.
If you know the end is inevitable, follow Sullivan's and Sherman's expert tips to end your relationship in the kindest possible way. If you're struggling to decide when or where to break upSullivan says the first step is to put yourself in your partner's position. Be honest!
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If the answer is an in-person meeting and a candid explanation, do that. If you've only been dating a few weeks, a phone call might be appropriate," she says. There's no doubt it's a difficult conversation, but she points out that avoiding breaking up is just as damaging.
Again, think about how you'd like to be treated. So respect the other person," she says. People do this for years and wake up single, full of regret after they finally find 'the right time.
Both dating experts agree: One of the biggest mistakes you can make is assigning blame during the breakup. While some daters may find it helpful to know why the other person chose to break up with them to have closure and in case they can learn from itothers may not want specific details.
So, you can take their lead about this. Shifting the way you phrase issues in the relationship and using "I" instead of "you" also makes it harder to refute, says Sullivan. The place you choose to break up can have a big impact on whether your partner feels secure and how they react.
Will they react aggressively? Wherever you decide to do it, make sure there's some element of privacy," says Sullivan, though she notes it depends on each person.
Sherman points out that breaking up with someone in their home might seem like a good idea, but it can make the conversation harder. This is tough, but one thing to keep in mind before you make their issues your issues is that you're breaking up for drumroll you.
In general, if you were to pick the best relationship-ending strategy, it would be open confrontation, and if you wanted to pick the worst, it would be either avoidance/withdrawal or. Feb 28, If you know the end is inevitable, follow Sullivan's and Sherman's expert tips to end your relationship in the kindest possible way. Stephanie DeAngelis / MyDomaine Do Put Yourself in Their Position If you're struggling to decide when or where to break up, Sullivan says the first step is to put yourself in your partner's position. Understand that there is no pain-free way to break up. We all wish that we could end relationships without any hurt or pain. But no matter how broken the relationship is, officially ending it will cause pain on both sides. Once you acknowledge that there will be a pain, you can be prepared for the aftermath.
It's okay to "cushion" the blow, but lying about your reasoning isn't productive, says Sullivan. Every relationship is different, and every person in a relationship is different. It is up to you to consider the personality, needs, and feelings of your partner as you read through this article and figure out how to end things. Understand that there is no pain-free way to break up.
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We all wish that we could end relationships without any hurt or pain. But no matter how broken the relationship is, officially ending it will cause pain on both sides.
Once you acknowledge that there will be a pain, you can be prepared for the aftermath. Do it face-to-face. If you've ever been dumped by text or email, you know how it feels to be given so little consideration that the other person didn't even bother to tell you in person. Why do the same to another person?
Your partner deserves the dignity of a face-to-face conversation. An intimate setting is arguably better, but if you are worried about your partner having a violent reaction, a public place is safer.
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Be honest but don't give too much detail. In general, people want to know why they're being dumped.
While "you're terrible in bed" or "you lack ambition" might seem like an honest answer, it doesn't really preserve your partner's self-esteem or dignity. Using a reflexive sentence like "I don't feel we're compatible sexually" or "I don't think our long-term goals align anymore" are nicer ways to express your feelings.
Do not give in to arguments or protests. If the breakup is a surprise for the other person, they might try to argue, protest, or give reasons why you should remain together and try again one more time.
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If you are at the point of breaking upnothing can restore or revive the relationship now. Giving in will only delay the inevitable.
Do not suggest you stay friends. Avoid saying "let's stay in touch. It might possible to be friends again down the road, but this is not the right time to consider this possibility.
Express your sadness at the breakup and share some good things about your time together. Being dumped feels really bad. You can soften the blow a little by sharing some of the good times you shared together: "You taught me so much about cooking and I am a better cook now, thanks to you," or something similar. You want to make the other person feel like they had a positive impact on your life despite the relationship ending.
How to end a long-term relationship nicely: limiting pain and conflict The first step is to accept that it may take more time and energy to create a 'good' ending than perhaps you'd hoped. Hopefully, you'll also have read my article When to end your relationship. The second step is to approach each stage with the right mindset. Ending a relationship is always painful, but there are ways to ease the hurt. 1. Preparing for the end: As we saw in the study by Belu and her collaborators, the surprise element only made a breakup 2. Accepting a share of the blame, but not all: Growing your own intimacy means that you develop a. While it's probably tempting to come up with some sort of lie that will make cutting him off a little easier on both you and him, honesty is really the best policy.
You may also want to say something like: "I had hoped for us to grow old together and I am sad that it will not happen. Avoid turning the other person into "the bad guy.
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You have faults too, and turning your ex-partner into an evil figure is not helpful aside from obvious instances of violence, but that's not the kind of relationship we're talking about here. They may have done some bad things, like cheating, but they are human too.
It's better to resolve your feelings around what they did if they did anything wrong rather than who they are. Give yourself time to grieve.
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Even if you are the one breaking up, there will be a period of heartbreak, sadness, and pain. Realize that you will also need to adjust to your new situation.
Surround yourself with people you love, do things that make you happy, and remember that crying and feeling sad is perfectly okay.