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But at the end of the day, I know at least they are healthy and safe. I don't know what to do, do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? It's natural to be concerned. You might also be concerned if he were 17, given that what you are afraid of her getting hurt, pregnant, or growing up too quickly, or him being with her just for one reason can easily happen with a 17 year old boyfriend too.
While such concerns are natural, and perfectly understandable, they are also irrational. It's not likely that anything worse will happen to her with this "sensible" 25 year old, than what would happen with a random 17 year old. Your daughter is an adult now, in all but the legal sense, so treat her like an adult. What you can do, depending on your relationship to her, is to share your concerns, while acknowledging that they are irrational. That way you don't force her to change her life, yet still make her aware of the concerns.
You are worried about your daughter missing opportunities travelling, studies. I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still All three in English, which she started learning after marriage. On top of the above three points, she still finds time to volunteer, and to be the favourite mom among our kids' friends. All in all, most likely not what my father in law had in mind when she was little, but an exciting life.
However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men.
Parents Say 17-Year-Old Daughter Is Moving Across The Country To Be With Online Boyfriend She’s N…
Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much. It could also be a lot worse. You also say 'going out' - i. Your daughter is, as you point out, an adult with all that entails, including the freedom to make her own mistakes.
A theoretical 17 year old man could equally, if not more so, be with her for only one reason. Equally, becoming pregnant and having to postpone things such as career isn't age relevant. I'd recommend waiting. If the relationship develops, you could express your concerns, though not in a judgemental way - otherwise you could risk damaging your relationship with your daughter and pushing them together.
I don't know if it helps, but when I met my girlfriend she was 16 and I was 23, one year later we came together. At that age I was working but lived with my mother. She went to high school and lived with her parents. Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love.
Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not.
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She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child". I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again. We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life.
My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home. And many of these are not age-related. Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship.
The same about getting pregnant. And what can she miss? I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing. I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful.
In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated. In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation. As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time. Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms.
If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind. Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education.
Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times. If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen. Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men.
It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway. Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people. It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her. Far better than dating a guy her own age.
Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone. Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama.
First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from. You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common?
What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on? Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term? Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions.
Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better.
That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share.
But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right?
I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly. Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.
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In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing. Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him?
Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations. For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question.
So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from".
I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.
Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together. Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age.
Invite him for dinner and family days out. In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping.
Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use. One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible.
As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent. Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them.
17 year old daughter dating 24 year old
The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses.
This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own. That's her obligation and lawful right. It's basic accountability. She's of age, which goes both ways. And maybe 3. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways.
So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i.
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Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation.
I heard stories from my parents: when he took her home after a date, it was her bedtime she was in high schoolso she would retire to her room. But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night. So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings.
But things were different then - she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term.
Some kids are also street-smart and others are not. Speak to her about common sense too, even though she is almost No matter what, this is her first relationship In my experience the key thing is to make your expectations clearly known.
If you have a curfew it is to be respected, and if not, then fill in the blank.
We can discuss whether we think teen sex is a good idea, but the fact of the matter is, what we think may not dictate what our kids do. Take your daughter to an ob and have them go over std's birth control etc.
For some reason they seem to listen more closely to anyone that isn't their parent. Make sure she knows that all avenues of communication are open and that you will respond in a non judgemental fashion.
I always tell my kids that while I may not approve of all their choices, I'll always love and approve of them. I think the curfew needs to be set based on the activity, but as a general rule there is no reason to be out later than 11, weekends only. School nights are another story. No later thanand only if all obligations, chores, homework etc are done. Also, if grades start dropping, behavior changes etc all dates are off. Perhaps you can talk to the boy's family and together come up with some agreed upon curfew times.
That way both kids will feel the pressure of the same curfew. It can be hard to insist on a group - who knows what happens when they leave the house. You certainly can make your preferance known. Our rules were: no dating at all until 16, group dates first, then one-on-one dates, 10 pm curfew school nights, 11 or 12 weekends, changeable at any time due to your behavior.
Dates also had to come to the door, not just honk the horn! My curfew was always set around whatever the date was, so if it was a movie, I had so much time after the movies were out to get home. Dating was weekends only. With a few rare exceptions Homecoming, Prom, etc. My parents always had to meet, and approve of my dates. This means no honking from the driveway. They had to actually come in and gasp talk to my parents. That way they could size up the boy, run their mental lie detectors and let them know about my curfew for the evening.
Basically it was to impress upon the boy how involved they were in my well being.
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And even at 16, I appreciated it. All it took was a couple of guys with "Russian hands and Roman fingers" to realize my parents were geniuses! It was always nice to be able to use the excuse of my curfew to keep the date on track and not wander into the backseat. And, of course, that was exactly the point.
It wasn't that my parents didn't trust me. It was that they didn't trust the boys. And with good reason! Even though I thought they were really strict at the time, and I did rebel a bit behind their backs, overall I think they handled it the best way they could by being involved and informed. My dad managed not to have a heart attack, and I left for college with my hymen and self esteem intact. Good luck, and hopefully for you you only have one daughter, cause this isn't easy!
So for a year-old, the upper age limit would be 34 (17 * 2). With some quick math, the rule provides a minimum and maximum partner age based on your actual age that, if you choose to follow it. I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way too big at her age. We're in the UK, so it's perfectly legal. He does seem a very sensible person. He owns his own successful business although he still lives with parents. May 15, My 17 year old daughter is dating a 24 year old Geneva May 15, Inside bradley cooper's 'miserable' dinner date a 21yo. There are 24 year old girl or thinking about the school, developing an. China family find lost daughter is 53, almost 18 years.
You have to go with your heart and whats important to you. What kind of values you want her to uphold.
Sep 16, Age is relative, so if the 17 year old girl is mature enough to be with a 24 year old, it's fine. Women usually mature quicker than men, which means their age-gap doesn't make that big of a. 10 Best Free Dating Sites for Teenagers ( to Year-Olds & Up) Hayley Matthews ated: 5/15/ Email. I know I joked about Match being an old-timer dating site for year-olds, but it's actually good for young adults as well. You must be over 18 to complete a dating profile on Match (either through the dating app or site), and have. Dating Advice for Mom of 16 Year Old Girl. ated on November 07, L.F. asks from El Cajon, CA on November 04, 17 answers. It looks like my 16 year old (17 in Dec.) daughter is starting her first relationship with a boy (just turned 18). I know both the boy and his parents.
Our daughter started dating a little young. Our feelings are: they are going to do it anyways, so be very open with them and yes have the sex talk. Tell her how a boy should treat her.
How to value her body and dont fall for the "if you love you will". Making sure she does not change her personality for him. As hard as it will be, help her realize that they should not ignore their other friends. Just have a very open relationship with her and ask her questions. That will go so far Good Luck, it wont always be easy. First of all I agree with Jenn D on curfews.
Yes, I am not a parent of a teenager, but I am a high school teacher Curfews are a must Even on school nights I hear about my students being out until after 10 and on weekends it seems like some are literally out all night.
I'm 25 and I'm starting to date a 17 year old, I wonder if it really is wrong.? basically i have known this girl for quite a couple of years, my best-friends brother is married to her sister. 24 year old dating a 17 year old, acceptable? Should probably look for guys your own age. I doubt a 17 year old boy can really grasp what a 24 year old woman needs in a relationship. level 1. I dated a 24 year old girl online when i was Best fucking time of my life. level 1. There is no specific law in Michigan which prohibits a 17 year old from dating a 24 year old. HOWEVER, there are many things which can occur between a 17 year-old and a 24 year-old which could be considered illegal.
FYI - only hearing the male side as I teach at an all boys school, but the truth is somewhere in the middle of how late and how often they are out. Also, if you haven't, talk to her about what is fair - jealousy, etc You would be suprised at the number of male students I have who feel it is okay for them to talk to another girl and have female friends while dating someone, but they don't believe the girl they are dating should have male friends or hang out with males except for them.
Even I was shocked at their double standard. I also love the suggestion about mixing up the dates - some family nights, some group nights, and some couple excursions - as long as you continue to monitor where and with whom, I think all should go as smoothly as can be anticipated.
Good luck and kudos to you for being such a great mom. I have an 18 year old and at 17 she had her first "boyfriend" If you say NO on things she will start to lie to you. I found that I set the rules with both of them right away. No closed doors, no under blankets, no being here together when I am not home. Make no exceptions! Stay strong on your rules. Do not be blinded because you have a good girl. This is the age where it does happen and it will slip right between your fingers if you don not have a handle on it.
I did a lot of things with them and let her have him come along places. Good Luck. It is good that you already have taught her to inform you of who she is with and where she is. Continue this. How much freedom you give her depends on her. My mother always taught me that freedom is given to those that earn it.
Growing up, I was only allowed group dating. I actually think this was a great idea because there was no pressure to go down the roads that lead to sex.
Also, being with a group is fun because there is opportunity to get to know each other without the pressure. Curfews are debatable. Some parents wouldn't let their kids out of the house without one. I know kids who got in trouble anyway. Instead of insisting on a specific time, they gave me a general time and told me that they trusted me, and that they wanted me to do everything in my power to hold on to their trust -It worked. They had taught me well. Advice: What to do if feeling uncomfortable is probably the best thing you can teach your daughter.
Most of the time, teenagers are pressured into having sex. They really don't want it, but just have an idea in their head that "everyone is doing it, so we have to" How to stand up and say no if she feels uncomfortable or is feeling pressured is the best thing you can do for her and your own peace of mind.
One thing I think my parents did very well is to make me comfortable having my boyfriends at their home. They regularly would say, "ask Tommy to join us for dinner"-and dinners would be fun. It made me proud to see that my boyfriend would enjoy my parents and it gave them a chance to get to know him better. With my stepdaughters we had a variety of experiences. Some boyfriends were very much family members, and others would sit on the couch and hardly say a word.
It's easier to illicit respect from the teenage couple when they see you both as a friend, and parents they need to respect. I have a friend of a friend who is a 26 year old male dating a now 17 year old female 16 at the beginning of the relationship. My issue is that there almost certainly has to be something wrong with the male maturity-wise to want to be in a relationship with a child. For example, this guy I know is 26, has 2 children 7 and 4 to two different women, still lives at home with dad, doesn't have a job, doesn't pay any child support, and just smokes weed and gets drunk all the time.
That is NOT the type of person anyone should be in a relationship with, especially not a 17 year old impressionable child. At 26, life should be well on the way of being figured out, a career started and goals beginning to be accomplished.
At 17, most people are just realising that they need to start thinking about their futures, even though their plans will change 9 million times before they turn These two ages are entirely to far apart at this point in life in my opinion. Maybe in 10 years when it's 36 and 27, that would be different. Hello, I just turned 24 and I am in a relationship with a beautiful 16 year old woman. We met online and to be honest we really enjoy each others company. I do believe a sexual relationship would be wrong in this situation.
We have both decided to wait until she turns 18 to act on this. We are figuring our lives out and waiting to see if that is what we still want when we are a little older.
Having a sexual relationship is wrong with a minor, even with consent if you are over 3 years older it would be statutory rape.
It means like she isn t old enough to make the decision. So I hope you two hold back on sexual relations until she is not only ready but legal. When my woman turns 18 we are going to meet in person and we are going to date for awhile before becoming sexually active together.
Well, I guess what I am trying to say is don t take advantage of her. If you love her you can wait.