Millions of readers rely on HelpGuide for free, evidence-based resources to understand and navigate mental health challenges. Please donate today to help us protect, support, and save lives. While the distractibility, disorganization, and impulsivity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ADHD or ADD can cause problems in many areas of adult life, these symptoms can be particularly damaging when it comes to your closest relationships. This is especially true if the symptoms of ADHD have never been properly diagnosed or treated. No matter what you do, nothing seems to please your spouse or partner.
I would always go out of my way to make it up to my girlfriends, the problem is this would make me feeling frustrated about myself and leave me drained because I would see that the poor girls really wanted it to work, but my tardiness and a few of those things that come with adhd. I guess we adhd people are meant to be lonely. Two of my ex-girlfriend's saw something in me and tried to push me towards my goals, one of them In retrospect breaking up with her was a Big mistake, I thought I was doing her a favor, that she deserved better and it would happen any way when she finally go fed up and I would stop feeling horrible about myself for being such a jerk Since I had no idea I had adhd.
I just thought I wasn't trying hard enough. Do a lot of research together about it. And I found this thread because it was the question I wanted to ask.
I've known a guy for 10 months now, and we're starting to have feelings for each other. I got so foreclosed as I read many posts on this thread and others. But then I read yours, RubenStein, and it was exactly like hearing his voice. Only with the awareness I feel my heart going out to him, and to you, as I read your words about blaming yourself and feeling that you're meant to be lonely.
And yet, just a while ago, he hurt me so badly I was crying for a week and feeling the pain physically in my body. But I haven't told him yet how bad it was, because I don't want to make him feel bad either, just like he doesn't want me to Anyway, having feelings for someone who doesn't give me the focus I deserve triggers really deep wounds in me, since I had a mother who was emotionally focused on pretty much everything but me.
For the same reason I have a tendency to go into co-dependancy where I want to take care of and fix the other person, so I have to watch out for that. Actually, when I first got to know this guy, I thought it would be good for me to date someone who was so inattentive to my signals, because in no way would he let me start fixing things up, lol After the big blow recently, I broke it off, and I can tell how sorry he is, and I don't kow what to do now.
Why would I put myself through that On the other hand there are so many things about him that I like But then again, yet so many things I don't understand. What could I hope for? Not in terms of attention, but in priorities, I guess. Why does he come in time to work, but forget dates? Like you, he is very passionate about his career. And I must be very honest and say, that as much as your post initially gave me hope, I could feel the same hope vanish when I read why you regret having let go of Patricia - not because you miss her, but because she would've been able to help you with your career, as I understand it?
So sorry if that question makes you feel like a douchebag. I just really need to understand. I read posts from people with ADHD who certify that their spouse is the most important thing in the world, although the focus shifts. But what about the priorities? I think that thing with coming in time to work but not to dates nails it It sort of says that an ADHD person can follow through, but only if it's important enough I started dating a charming ADHD gentleman approximately a year and half ago.
I could not believe this prince charming of an individual would have zero attention span whatsoever. All the symptoms. Needless to say, we clashed HARD.
I was torn to say the least.
I had no idea what was the problem at first until I realized he was psychologically, slightly off balance. My love for him pushed me to find a way to survive. Truth is, if you love him you will work with him and not expect him to change. I love mine so I find pleasure in cleaning up after him, its a huge support system for him, and I'm gratified with a sense of being needed in the relationship. I love him so I often choose not to respond when talking about controversial issues. I am educationally opinionated so I save political debates for the office; let the boyfriend speak his mind and be a listener at home.
I feel empowered and strong enough to survive AND flourish in this relationship. I'm sure many women need support when dealing with ADHD men. My only suggestion is to blog it out. Take deep breaths. And learn to just laugh at the times you find fruit snack wrappers in the shower.
I think you have a very good point in many ways, I also am with you on the love part, I still am in the period where I love to do things for my husband more of "mommy things" if you understand what I mean however, we have both not been in the relationships for as long as most women on here.
So I feel that before I get a few years on my neck I can't actually say this for sure. I'm the one with ADD, however so I don't have to look after my husband in the same way that the women have to here. Also a lot of the diagnosed people that are being discussed on this site mostly husbands seem to have some other issues as well. Sometimes violence, denial, being immature, alcohol abuse. I wish I had the kind of income and health that would allow me to support my husband and do all that is necessary to maintain our home.
Alas, it is not true in my case. I was also unable to support us both while he chose not to work and it was my needs that went by the wayside and not his. I envy you your strength. Marrying someone with ADHD nearly killed me. Living and dealing with someone with ADHD is not easy. It is a constant struggle for me everyday, especially since I am the polar opposite of my significant other. Laundry, cleaning and cooking are everyday tasks. When it comes to handling these tasks for someone with ADHD it is comparable to caring for a child.
I personally do not want to have children; the process of pregnancy freaks me out! Im currently young and energetic enough to care for my 30 year old child, Im also fully exhausted at the end of each day, physically and mentally. I talk myself through the difficult times. Do your research and be aware of the disorder.
You will understand him and his antics better if you study. When times are hard, I take a step back, analyze the situation, and blame the disease, not him. See if he will study the disorder with you.
Perhaps he will understand himself better and recognize what his specific symptoms are that put stress on the relationship. Remember, he should want the relationship to work as much as you do. That being said, you also need to distinguish what he can control between things the disease prevents him from controlling. Make sure he takes his medicine!
The physical stresses of cleaning and constant effort needed to survive all the mini mental break downs will undoubtedly cause most relationships to end in divorce. Its not easy, its not fair, you didn't ask for this, its not your fault, you didn't see this coming.
It takes a special kind of person to survive the daily struggle of living with someone with ADHD. You need to be utterly selfless in a world where men and women try so hard to be treated equally.
Something is. dating a person with adhd buzzfeed was mistake apologise
Women work and earn similar to men which leaves cooking and cleaning responsibilities up for debate. But when you live with someone with ADHD, you must accept all the homecare responsibilities. You also need to be patient. Do not let his forgetfulness and inability to get out of the door on time annoy you, see if it annoys him. If you don't complain he has no one to blame or fight with but himself. You seem to have committed yourself to being your BF's "parent.
Even if I were not handicapped, I would not want to be involved in a relationship where contributions were so unequal. If you break your leg, would you get "what do you mean, you can't do laundry because you are on crutches? Honestly, I don't mean to criticize you, and you may enjoy what he brings to the relationships enough for it all to be worth it.
But accepting all that responsibility sounds hard to me.
May 23, As with many other areas of dating, much of the success of the relationship will come down to general compatibility and the willingness to listen and take mutual responsibility for the relationship and any negative behaviors associated with the condition. For some people, dating another person with ADHD can be an incredible learning experience.
I am trying to be as optimistic as I possibly can in a troubling situation. I do not mind accepting the parent title in my relationship, he fulfills my needs above and beyond in our partnership.
He is actually always there for me when I need him; I realize this could be part of hyperfocus; I've witnessed my boyfriend go over 2 months without doing laundry. If I couldn't do laundry for a while he honestly wouldn't notice.
I fell in love with my boyfriend's charming personality and thriving passion for life and adventure. I've never felt the way I do for him for any one else. I am a realist at the same time and fully aware feelings come and go with life and change.
MY fear is that I will not be able to keep up with his hyperactive mind. My fear is the gambling. This is not going to be easy. There will never be a dull moment. I did not realize this sight was mostly for married couples.
I was just looking for a way to express my feelings and attitude.
My boyfriend possess the violence, being immature, alcohol and drug abuse, gambling, and anxiety issues. He is not in denial about his ADHD but he still does not realize when the symptoms of his disease are affecting him. He has trouble linking certain behaviors to the disease. I am not married to my ADHD partner but took on the role very quickly out of need. I had been married 15 yrs. I would not marry my man right now even if he thought of asking.
Ideal dating a person with adhd buzzfeed for that interfere
We have enough problems. He is another child and I guess I took on that role. For the last 6 years. Most times I accept it and just shake my head. The messiness and lack of even caring is frustrating.
I can't count the times he has said " well don't do it then, I don't care". Forgetting that I live here too. My biggest problem is the way his mind thinks. Drugs have been a constant problem in our relationship. He has tried a number of different treatments and failed. Is this associated with the ADHD? I would assume so. He also has been very destructive and violent. Usually breaking something of mine because he doesn't own anything of his own.
Black and blue I have been and a few broken bones. And rivers!!!!! Even our dog knows when to hide. Another fear is that this ADHD knowledge becomes a excuse that has already been played out. I realize that it is real. I live with the fallout everyday. But as we discover this book together will the tools that I use and the tools he uses allow him to stop making excuses and take some responsibility. Take some of the work of this relationship off me.
Truly is hard work. I am a strong woman but I have problems of my own that I must manage. Sometimes it feels like I have no one that takes care of me. I get very scared about who would take care of me if I needed it.
I want to feel safe and this is just not the way it is. Will I ever. Can he grow up. I am also afraid of what will happen if there is a tragedy his father who he says he hates is now in his second battle with cancer how will he react and how devistatingly hard it is going to be on me.
I often wait for the day his family thanks me or laughs at me behind my back for taking their "problem " off their hands. I've said to his mother a few times that it is really hard raising HER son. No pats on the back here. If you want it or think you might be able to survive it and you still love him when he's sleeping then it's still on for another day. We women are easy to manipulate because we want to be loved so much.
My love also struggles with ADHD.
We recently found each other on Facebook after 30 years of both being married to others. WE go back awhileHim and I were great best friends when we were in our 20's. So, Almost 30 yrs later he finds me on FB under my maiden name and the sparks began to fly.
We both could not believe the passion we both carried for each other, our new found relationship was so intense! I felt like I have found my "soul Mate" for real this time. So a year has gone by. During this time he has mentioned to me his ADHD diagnosis that his ex-wife insisted he had and to get help for! Bless her soul, she did do the right thing on that part. So after 8 months or so into this passionate relationship, the phone calls became less, the text messages, the weekends together etc.
I struggled with the fact that his love for me was diminishing. I then became angry at him for this and started aggressively belting out rude comments and texts at him. Which only began to shut him down from me.
See he also struggles with confrontations, he can not stand to argue or get angry at anyone. This only made me think he could not stand up for what he believes is right. And left not speaking to him for weeks I truly love this manI now have done all my research on adult ADHD and to my surprise and my ignorance - I have figured him out! I should have done this in the beginning when he first told me he had ADHD. Now I totally understand why he does what he does and should not take it personally, it is the disorder!
My emotional outbreaks were because I thought he was doing things on purpose to push me away, when it was never like that. His feelings for me have never changed during our time together. Maybe this is a good lesson to others who are dating someone with ADHD and think they know what it is about. I say do your homework!! Understanding it will help you to understand this love! Don't make the same mistakes by being ignorant to it. If you are a caring,patient person than you will accept the differences and create a wonderful life together!
I am hoping and praying at 55 that I can have my soul mate back again and enjoy maybe the next yrs together! So I just wait I don't think you will ever get your "soul mate" back, unless you come back as a new person, or a person he loves at a distance.
We have been married 20 years and the attention that was there at the beginning has not come back after the first year of marriage. They don't see the real him at all. Just my son and I see the real thing. Doing your homework is one thing, having enough love and patience to get through a lifetime together of it is another thing, and honestly the biggest question and challenge: whether your ADHD mate will work with you.
They may or may not. I too love my Man and we too connected after 30 years. And I too launched a barrage of complaints - all about not paying attention to me. I don't know if I can just not be hurt by it even though it is the disease and not him. And now he is hiding out. We have hardly talked in the last month. We are long distance. I actually think that has helped him be in a relationship because he can pretty well ignore me except for one weekend a month and for a few phone calls.
And he treats the calls like things on his to do list, which, of course, pisses me off. So, did you and your guy reconnect? It is so hurtful to hear him say he's not sure he wants to continue. But hearing that you heard the same phrase, helps me feel like at least I'm not alone. He's my guy, why can't he reach out and grab me literally and figuratively and tell me he wants me and wants to be my guy?
You post is almost a year old but I just wanted to know how things have worked out for you. I don't know what the right thing to do here. Just leave him alone or try to contact him I just found this website today, and I am so glad I did, because I keep struggling with my issues for weeks and months and really need some input from people who are going through similar things. This is going to be a quite long story, because I believe I have to start from the very beginning in order to have you understand everything.
Also, English is not my native language, so I hope I will be able to articulate myself in a way that you understand everything. If not, please feel free to correct me ; I am Austrian and moved to the Caribbean 4 years ago. Soon after the move I got divorced from my husband of 4 years, and soon after got into a new relationship with a local man african american. That relationship lasted 2. After that break-up, which was initiated by myself because I realized that I was in a very abusive not physically and addictive relationship, I dated 2 other local man both african americanbut it didn't work out because I am very set in my ways when it comes of my personal goals.
One of them is to find a man who actually wants a serious and long-term relationship, one who is able to be honest and faithful to his woman, and these characteristics sadly are very rare in the Caribbean society. I am 37 and I was just tired of "wasting" my time with men who didn't know what they want, or who simply were looking for plain fun and sex. So I stopped dating men and focused more on my daughter and my job. Yet I was feeling very lonely sometimes, and since one of my major goals is to be a "whole" family again, with the right man on my side, I started trying out online dating.
That was in September Only a short time after starting to put up my profile to an interracial dating website I have to admit, and for your information, I am very much attracted to african american menI met HIM. He is my age, 38 now, and we immediately "clicked". We were talking very much, emailing, chatting, and it was just exciting, discovering the many similar interests and goals. We both did things in our past we aren't proud of, but made us to the persons we are right now. From the very beginning I was totally honest and open to him, and so was he.
He told me right away that he was in prison for drug dealing when he was younger, and that he is still on parole for at least another 10 months. At first I was quite "shocked", but also surprised by his honesty, and after hearing a few other stories from his past, I sympathized with him and found myself thinking very highly about that man who so openly told me things that might scare away some women.
Somehow I got the impression that he really changed, and I thought I had to give him a chance to prove that he really is honest and wants a better life. He also got 2 sons, 18 and 14, from two women, and he loves both of them very much, talks about them all the time, and he also told me that he still got a very good relation with both mothers. We had a really "explosive" and exciting start, we couldn't get enough of talking to each other, and both our phone bills were running very high I maybe would not have proceeded with this, if we wouldn't have talked so much about our future plans and priorities.
He was always telling me that he was a bad cheater in his past, didn't care about other people's feelings etc. What stunned me was, that I could so much relate to that, because I too was a cheater in my past, and only a few years back I realized what I really wanted.
This has something to do with age and maturity I think, and I told him that I was in the same "circle" of getting into a new relationship, "honeymoon phase", getting into routine, getting bored, "breaking out" and looking for something new and exciting, break up, new relationship, same circle again I realized that once you find a man who does understand that this circle will continue all your life if you don't stop it yourself, and get out of it by remembering what it takes to have a honest and lasting relationship, and to really TRY and make it better, you HAVE to hold on to it and fight for it, and not giving up on it too easily.
In him, I thought I found exactly this man, because we were thinking so similar and also our values and goals in life, the same! I am a very impulsive and "intense" woman, and once I find something I really like, I would do almost everything to make it happen, to get it. In my past, more than one man told me that I am so much like a "Latina", so passionate, loving and intense, that sometimes I "choke" them with my attention. I was aware of that and was working on it, and I think that I am quite good in the meantime.
I am not trying to choke the man in my life, but be a real woman and friend for him, but in return, I expect the same from my man. So short after we met, I fell in love with him, because of the way he treated me, and because we had an excellent communication.
We could tell each other everything, and even though we only communicated over the phone and internet still, there was a deep connection I have never felt before in my life to a man. Then, in November, only a bit more than a month after we met, his mother got very sick and had to go to the hospital, she almost died and since then she never got out of there.
Dating a person with adhd buzzfeed
My boyfriend was with her most of the time of the first month, besides his hard job and commuting 4 hours every day to and from work. I tried to be there for him, supporting him as good as I could, from far away. He told me more than once that he is so happy that he met me, and that he needs me so much in his life, because I make a difference in his life. Sometimes he would be so down and depressed, he would say that he couldn't bear loosing his mother and me, because it was very hard for me sometimes to keep up the support, because I was going through a very difficult phase in my life as well.
I had my own problems, but of course his were way tougher, because having your own mother in the hospital, about to die So I kept up supporting him, assuring him of my love yes, I told him that I loved him only one month after we metno matter what. It was about the same time when he was at the hospital day and night, to be with his mother, when he told me about his ADHD. I have never heard of this before in adults, and so far, I didn't really recognize any symptoms of it in his actions or behaviour.
Yes, he was distracted sometimes, but I thought that was because of his mother being in hospital and all his problems with his job etc. He asked me to be patient with him, and not judge him too quickly but consider some of his behaviour being caused by his disorder.
Honestly, I really never worried about it in the beginning, up to now. In December, I had planned a 3-weeks vacation with my daughter to the Dominican Republic, and we also planned, that he would come down for a few days to finally meet me.
Well, that never happened because of his mother still in hospital, which left me very sad and frustrated, but I still tried to be understanding. So I went on vacation with my daughter, when he called me down there to tell me that he might come down still, because he wanted to meet me and he needed to get out of everything, he couldn't take it no more.
He lost so much weight, couldn't sleep anymore, and he needed to see me. So we were looking for flights, but it was Xmas, prices were skyhigh, so we coulnd't make it happen for him to come down. I was really frustrated and depressed, and so was he. But we kept going and assuring each other that we will meet soon, we had to.
In January now, after we got back from vacation, my world took a turn and I experienced some troubles in my life I had to handle. Our relationship was still very good, we spoke on the phone at least twice a day, he spent every free minute he was off work talking with me. He also started to speak to my daughter, and the two immediately liked each other and he helped me with some issues I had with her.
I was so thankful to have him in my life. He also let me speak to his sons, and also to one of the mothers of his sons, we had a very nice chat on the phone and I was kind of surprised he let me talk to her. For me, this was a sign that he really is serious about me and the plans we spoke about. These plans we already made after New Years, we spoke for hours, trying to figure out how we could meet, where and how we could make it to spend more time with each other.
He planned to move to Miami, not only for me, to be closer, but also because of his job opportunities and the climate. Then we decided it would be best, that, once he is off parole, he came to visit us in Grenada, and stay with us for a few months to figure out if we are made for each other. Making these plans with each other made me extremely happy and confident, that he really was serious about me.
But then the big bummer came: Finally his mother got a bit better, still in hospital but out of intensive care, so we made plans to meet each other for the first time in Barbados. The reason, why Barbados and not Grenada was simply because of the expensive flights to Grenada from Chicago, and the flight times just didn't make sense, since he only could get off work for 3 days.
So we met in Barbados at the end of January, for only 2,5 days. It was amazing, and from the very first second we met when I picked him up at the airport, I just thought, YES!
I thought he was my soulmate, we had the best time ever, and even though 2,5 days are very short to get to know each other, it was so intense and wonderful. Better than I ever could have imagined. He is not only a very sweet man, but a Gentleman, which I really love, he calms me down when I am upset, he always has the right words to say, well let's say, I just fell for him with no way of return ; By the time we said good-bye to each other at the airport, him going back to Chicago, me going back to Grenada, we assured each other that we want to be with each other and create something lasting and meaningful.
He didn't say "I love you" to me, but I did, and he only told me that he cares a lot for me, that he wants a future with me and that he is waiting for the perfect moment to say the three words to me. Upon returning home, he called me from his stop in Miami, being very worried, telling me that he is so scared because he wasn't supposed to leave the USA, because of his parole!!!!!!!
As a non-American, I simply didn't know that wasn't allowed to leave the country at all, yes, he told me he was still on parole, but honestly, I didn't know what it meant. I couldn't believe what I heard! He was facing troubles, worst case, going back to jail, for meeting me in Barbados!!!!!
I was totally depressed and tried not to show him, but telling him not to worry and to call me once he got back to Chicago. I was so worried that I would never see him again Back in Grenada, and despite the worries for him, facing penalties for leaving the US, I was so happy about having met him, I was totally in love with him already and I knew that I wanted to be with him.
I went on my facebook and there was a message waiting for me, from a woman I have never met. She wanted to be friends with me on facebook. I added her and short after she contacted me, telling me that she needed to talk to me immediately, it was about HIM. As I read that, I got a hot feeling in my stomach, that was always a sign of troubles ahead. She was telling me, that HE and her were living together for a month, and that she was his girlfriend for a year!!!!!
Can not dating a person with adhd buzzfeed very pity me
At first, I didn't know if to believe her or not, so I asked her questions etc. She asked me if he was seeing me somewhere abroad, because she was reading his emails, somehow. I was short before breaking down. I tried to call him, but he was still on his flight back to Chicago, so I had to wait, having the anger and disbelief boiling in my stomach!!!
When I finally could get hold of him, his phone cut out and I left him a voice mail message, telling him what happened and that I expect him to call me and clear the air about this matter. I was in total shock, that he could have lied to me in such a way, actually, I didn't want to believe it, but I had to.
The woman seemed to be honest, and I didn't know what to do, other than wait until I can speak to him and hear his version. Only next day he called me, telling me that he was dating her last year, before he met me, but that she got divorced and got so many issues he couldn't deal with it. So he split up with her, and stayed friends. I know he lived with his sister, and that they had issues, and one day he got kicked out of her house, and he told me, when that happened, he just stayed over at that woman's house, brought his stuff over, until he found something on his own.
But he swore that he wasn't in a relationship with her, and that she liked him still, and might have thought they were still together. I didn't know what to believe anymore and just stopped talking to him for 2 days. He tried calling me, emailed me, but I just couldn't talk to him, I need to get my head clear.
There is a very interesting forum conversation going on that I would like to highlight here for those who are interested in whether or not they should continue dating someone with ADHD. In a nutshell, the original poster is nervous about whether or not the problems she sees in her relationship with her boyfriend with ADHD will always be present or if they can be improved. May 27, This is indispensable within any relationship. A person with ADHD often feels disappointed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. When a person with ADHD appears to be acting selfishly, it may be that he or she is feeling overwhelmed with their own thoughts. ADHD takes up a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth. This celebs go dating adrian black speed dating someone with adhd buzzfeed is more about details to try to a middle-aged man dating agency. For, and the partner has. Lixia guo buzzfeed reeds. Dating someone with adhd. Dating someone with depression buzzfeed Caroline kee buzzfeed health nutrition teens article you to do. Once thought to last few.
Even though if he would have said the truth, and she was stretching the truth to her favour, my trust was still destroyed.
In his many emails, he swore to me that he cares for me and that he only wants to be with me, and not with her, and that he doesn't know what to do to prove to me. Well I didn't know either. After these two days, when he called, I took his call, and we spoke. I decided to try to forget what had happened, he promised that he is honest and wouldn't lie to me.
He moved back into his sister's house and I tried to work it out with myself. I was so disappointed though, it took me a few weeks until I stopped thinking about her permanently. I gave him a hard time, I was worried with the most minor things that happened, when he woulnd't call when he said he would call etc.
In the meantime it got better, and we continued talking to each other twice every day, and I know that he really spend every free minute off work talking to me. He basically doesn't have time to have another woman besides me, theoretically. He kept telling me how much I mean to him, and making plans with each other, now we are going to see each other in April, in Puerto Rico.
He also wants to meet my daughter there. So in general, we are still doing great, but what happened after Barbados is like a dark shadow. Now I have to add, that I am very much listening to my intuition, and I have a strange feeling I can't explain.
One side of me tells me that he really cares for me, that he really wants to be with me, and that the plans we were making for a life with each other, are going to work out. I am not an easy woman, I have to admit, I know I worry too much, I am too insecure sometimes, the slightest thing he is doing makes me feel alarmed, nagging on him He also says that I have to learn that too, because we won't be together that soon, so I have to have faith in us and him, if I really want to be with him at some point.
Normally I am good, but then, every few days, I get so insecure and all kind of stories go through my head, what if he got another woman, what if he lie to me all the time, what if he is only playing, or what if his ADHD made him loose interest in me. All kind of stuff, and it drives me crazy, because we only have met once as yet, and I am not a long-distance relationship person at all.
I told him that from the very beginning, but because I fell for him and he means so much to me, I feel like I have to stick with it and learn how to have faith, not thinking about "what if" but just let it happen. I try hard, but then, sometimes I freak out. I accuse him of not loving me because he never said it to meof not making me a priority in his life, etc.
He always reacts patient, upset though, but understanding, and telling me that he does care for me, and that it would hurt him a lot if I would break up with him. Somehow I believe him, but then there are days, when we speak on the phone, and he is always interrupted by something, someone calls him, he puts me on hold, for minutes, which makes me really upset sometimes.
As said, we always talk on the phone when he is on the way to work of back from work, in the morning, and in the evening. We speak when he is in the hospital with his mother, in his rare free time etc. And whenever we talk, we get interrupted, he always puts me on hold because "his sister or brother or son" calls, his trainer, etc.
It drives me mad sometimes. Or, when we talk, he is also on the computer sometimes, while we are on the phone, and I can hear that he is not focused on me, and when I tell him that, he says, "No, I am listening to you! But I can hear that he is distracted by something else.
This happens a lot in this relationship, that I feel that he is not focused on our chat, but occupied with something else. He is changing subjects quickly sometimes, or making me feel that what I just said to him, isn't important.
It drives me crazy Reading about ADHD explained a few things to me, why he acts like he does sometimes, but the same time, it makes me worry even more, and leaves me wondering, if he lost interest in me, and if he already met someone new? Even though he always tells me that he wants to be with me, we are not with each other physically, so it is very hard for me to determine. That's my main problem, the long-distance. But I decided to go through it, so I always tell myself, keep patient, go with the flow, and just take one day at a time.
But it is so hard!!! I know that he is doing a lot to show me how much I mean to him, but then, I also know from experience, that, when you love someone, sometimes you loose reality, just to remain in your "dream world".
That's why I need your feedback on this so badly. Am I getting tricked by this man, is his disorder just taking the best part of him, not even knowing that he hurts me? Or is it me, my insecurity, that is going to slowly destroy this relationship, I thought could be "it" for me? He already told my daughter that he thinks I am "the one" for him, and I don't really think he would say this without meaning it. But who knows He also let her talk to his son, a few days ago, when he had his birthday, and since then, the two are friends on facebook and chat sometimes.
That same son also spoke to me and he told me that his father is getting on everyone's nerves because he is only talking about me and how nice I am etc. Hearing these things let me wonder again, would his son say that if it wouldn't be true? And if it's true, what does it mean? Can it only mean that this man really cares for me, or is he still the cheater he was, not caring about my feelings, possibly having a few of such online relationships going on? Is it possible that his disorder causes such behaviour?
I know, I must sound totally crazy, and honestly, I feel like I am going to be, so I hope you can help me out of this, rather than telling me that I am totally mad. I know I have insecurity issues, but I know myself, and they are normally caused when I get this strange feeling about someone, and once the trust into someone gets destroyed I really would appreciate your honest and direct criticism, if necessary.
I am able to take criticism, and I am willing to work on my weaknesses, but I do need some help from you guys. I forgot to mention, that we already spoke about getting married and having a baby together, and that more than once We know each other since beginning of October now, almost 6 months, and we were talking about him wanting a baby with me and getting married etc. So it wasn't only once Also, he wouldn't add me to his facebook, but I could still read his wall postings, and one day after we got back from Barbados, he posted some pictures of him in Barbados on his wall, but didn't mention me at all, even though people asked him who he was with there, or why he was there etc.
So I asked him why he still didn't add me as his friend on facebook, and he said, that he didn't see my request and that he is a very private person, not puttin online his private stuff. Yet, he met a woman on the flight back from Miami, and he added her to his friends right away! A stranger! But not his girlfriend Makes me really wonder, if he got something to hide?
Why would he do something like this, if he really thinks that I am the woman he wants to get married to and have a baby with? Seriously people, help me out of this swamp One more thing I just remember, forgetting to say about him: After reading some of the other posts, I can't say that my boyfriend is self-centered or impatient, he is the opposite!
He is caring about everyone, more than about himself, he always puts other's needs first before his, and he is - so far - very reliable when it comes to call me when he said he would etc. He forgot his passport at home when on the way to the airport to see me lol. In the almost 6 months we know each other now, we didn't have a single fight, because whenever I am upset about something, he calms me down, tries to talk to me about any matter upsetting me etc.
So I really have to say, he seems to be such a great guy and I am just totally confused and scared, that it might be ME destroying this relationship, and not him I don't see very much ADD in your boyfriend. Obviously I can't know what his intentions are, but if he was ADD and getting bored with you, he wouldn't be making any effort.
Believe me; once interest fades for an ADDer, the other person becomes a non-entity. He seems secretive, not telling you about staying with the ex-girlfriend, and the Facebook thing, and there could be something going on with that.
He may be serious about you, but needs a little fling on the side until he can be with you that's not ADD; that's a man. But your 'relationship' with him has been going on for quite a while now, and he doesn't seem to be 'after' anything other than what he says.
He made the effort to see you, he calls regularly, etc. No ADDer that I've met would make that effort if he wasn't interested. That said, long distance relationships are SO strange. It's so hard to get to know someone that way. Do the two of you have any plans to be together long-term in the future? Are you working toward a day when you can see each other every day? I really hope it works out for you! I might not have written down every single detail in my posting, but I definitely saw some symptoms of ADD in his behaviors over the 6 months I do know him.
Can not dating a person with adhd buzzfeed will
The most noticable one for me was that he gets distracted very easily, like when we are talking on the phone, someone calls him which happens all the time! I didn't make a fuss about this, since I knew and felt that he didn't do it intentionally, or with something bad in mind. In general I really believe that he is a good man, it's just hard for me to get the difference if when he is acting because of his disorder, or if it's because of something else.
That gives me troubles. As you wrote, he seems to really mean it serious with me, but then all the secret stuff I am very insecure at this point, and have troubles finding out if the disorder is causing most of his discrepancies, or not. Yes, we were making quite definite plans of when we will move together, only 2 months after we met. And once we met in Barbados, it was all so "clear", we both were reassuring each other, that we do have to make plans to move together.
For now, the "status" is, that we will see each other at least once per month, either in Miami or Puerto Rico since he can't leave the US as yetand then, once his parole is over, he will come down to stay with us for a while, to figure out, if we actually could live together, or if it's not working. So yes, we are definitely making real and serious plans, and actually, now that I think about it, it was not only me, making these plans, but we made them together, as a couple.
And yes, he is willing to move down here to Grenada, until we figured out what we are going to do, like moving somewhere else together, or staying here etc. He always told me that he is totally open to move, and that he waited for a woman like me all his life, who loves to travel, explore, and we are so much the same. We both would love to move to foreign countries together, and we are both very adventurous.
So when it comes to the common interests, we do have a lot. As said, I really really love him, I have never felt so comfortable with a guy after such a short time, and only at the first "date".
So on one side, there are all these nice things he said to me, and the way he treats me, never a bad word or cussing, always respectful and considerate, being patient and reassuring with m who is worrying so much, and on the other side, there is all the secret stuff, which might not be bad, but it makes me wonder and suspicious.
I start thinking sometimes, that I am paranoid, but then, my "stomach feeling" that is so strange, normally tells me that there is something wrong. I hope I am paranoid, and he is the amazing man I thought he is. I am just trying to figure out here, if his disorder which was diagnosed in his childhood, but he told me that it got a bit better because he knows how to deal with it, staying occupied, planning stuff properly etc. I am writing this because I am dating an ADDer and he has been very open with when he was diagnosed younger in life and now lives as an adult with ADD and then recently got diagnosed with clinical depression.
He also sees a therapist and psychologist for medication purposes and he decided to do this on his own so I see some progress. Of course there is more to this story but do I have any hope that things may change a bit I understand I have to accept him for who he is every day or do I just break it off? Please help. I've been pretty unlucky in love and a few other things, but I've always kept trying I've had a few 'live in' relationships which I've ended because we weren't going to make each other happy in the long run.
While a lot of people around me like to say everything happens for a reason and like to talk about fate, I've never been happy with this explanation for things not working out. I think we're all responsible for our own choices and if we don't make the right choices because we're too weak, thats not fate, thats going with the flow.
Don't get me wrong, I've also gone with he flow too many times. So, I'm not violent. I don't break things. I don't scream and shout. I don't play mind games. I don't like having everything done for me. However I'm almost 35, never been married or engaged I've never proposed and don't have any children of my own.
Why not? That's what I want to know. I was trying to have a conversation in a coffee shop with a friend. I apologised because I although the subject was mine and important to meas hard as i tried i couldn't hear her, only the fridges and other things.
At this point I'll point out I have a lot of good friends, I've never been in trouble with the law and before our department was made redundant last year I held a very good job for just short of 10 years. As soon as I was made redundant I started my own business July I'm well aware of my weaknesses and always have been.
So I work with them. I've just taken on my second employee this week. I think that theres some people here who want to look at themselves a little more. Yes some of the traits described are very destructive to a relationship, but they also exist in none ADDers and not all ADDers fit into the categories described here. I find mundane tasks very difficult to complete because there's always a new more exciting thing I want to get started.
I get distracted super easily! I'm late for most things and talk far too much once I've started on the flip side because I'm aware of this sometimes I don't start at all and come across as quiet and shy. Some of the comments here have worried me quite a lot. For the record, I'm an honest person, and I believe in education and empowerment of people. I'll tell her and she then has a choice to do a runner if she wants. If someone wants to judge me that quickly then it's definitely not my loss.
ADD can be managed. I'm also a lot more enthusiastic about the future. To the original posters concerns Having ADD doesn't automatically make someone a bad person.
The original question doesn't tell us how ADHD effects this person. So all she can do is educate herself to make a good decision. I left a previous partner because she wanted to do everything for me. I wasn't diagnosed at this point and I don't want to live like a slob. Look up a list of famous ADD'ers online, you may be surprised how many you wouldn't be ditching when you find out their label. On a side note, because of my competitive sporting commitments which are coming to an end due to ageI've not as yet started any medication.
When You're A Dude Living With ADHD
So I've achieved everything so far without any specialised help support or training. Only the personal support from my friends and peers.
I am currently looking into life coaching and medication options. Mostly because I want to lead a successful happy life, and the only thing I'm missing right now is my own family. Typically this was supposed to be a short note Please continue to read in detail the comments from Non's on this blog.
It will help with your quest for personal empowerment. Educating yourself, understanding both yourself and your partner takes time and really makes a world of a difference. Hes amazing! I have dated a person with ADHD and the fact is, they are not normal in their thinking process.
I don't care who they are or how much they work on it you will never be able to fully understand their behaviors.
You can make excuses for them but in the end you will shoulder a lot of the responsibilities of family and home. You will feel alone and unheard more often than not. You will be hurt by their lack of understanding and let-downs. When you start dating, or fall in love, with someone who has ADHD you are automatically signing up to shoulder more work than them. Trust me, save the wasted years and move on.
If you are asking whether or not to continue, you already know the answer. I do understand now what was going on and that I should have not taken it personally and been so hurt and confused. But that said, I was not living a life connected to someone I could trust. Someone who was my partner and could set up if I fell.
ADHD people cannot step up if you need them too. Their always has to be someone there to take care of them. I am sorry ADHD people, but it is true. Yes there are many famous and successful people with ADHD but those successful people always has someone taking care of them.
Albert Einstein had his wife and it is well documented that he would spend all his time in the lab, that was paid for, developing new ideas. And his wife was in charge of the home, which was normal back then. So unless you are fine in a relationship that will never be equal, or in a relationship where you will feel unheard most of the time, then go for it.
If you want a true equal partner in life, someone who will be there mind, body and soul then stay away from ADHD. It's not their fault it just is. Also, to the lady who is waiting for her ADHD boyfriend to come back because she finally understands I say this Just because you understand does not make it easier in the end. You are lonely right now and thinking about the great points that he has, and there are many.
But in the end you left because there was something lacking. It will still be lacking when you have him back and just because it is an ADHD symptom does not mean that the loss and loneliness you felt won't still be there.
If you need love and connection you have to wait for it to come in another form. Plus if you are telling him you understand and he is still not coming back to try again, then maybe it was not all ADHD and maybe this guy will never love you like you deserve.
I would save years of heartache and run as fast as you can the other direction. Do I wish he could be normal and understand what he does But no matter how much you try to delude yourself, they are different! They are often too wrapped up in their own world and needs to be able to see anyone else's for longer than a half hour. Out of sight, out of mind. There are plenty of people looking for love. I too hoped, prayed and deluded myself to think, "If he just understand, he will know how much it hurts and change".
It won't happen because they can't change. They are biologically made this way. You cant change their nature; so again run! Balcox, I hear what you are saying and I couldn't agree more. I know exactly what his issues are- that I would have backed out of this relationship long ago if I could. The problem is that there is no way to back out gracefully.
His ex-wife took his military ID and applied for, and used in his name, numerous credit cards while he was away on duty. She slept with her boss and then ran away with the kids. Why was he with her? Because crazy people marry crazy people.
No, let me rephrase that, healthy people take one look at crazy people and run! Save yourself! Their kids are a nightmare!!! There are mental health problems in both families going back at least 3 generations and now kids and grand-kids that I know of. He came home one day to an empty house. Nothing but the unpaid bills. The "B" even sold the stereo that friends loaned them.
He went AWOL from the military, and his other job, tried to kill himself, and would up in a military mental ward with his wife trying to get him to legally sign control over to her. So, you're thinking he had some hard times and needs to get back on his feet.
He's legally bankrupt. And he has to borrow 50 bucks from you on payday to take you to lunch before he can cash his paycheck. And he pays it back promptly but borrows it again before the next paycheck clears.
Every week, bucks? And his room looks like a hurricane hit, with everything he owns either in his bed or on the floor? But, you aren't looking for marriage, and he feels like your favorite pair of jeans Dating sites can also be distracting, especially when there are lots of profiles to sift through. Setting time limits for use can help with this.
This can take away the stress of bringing it up when out on an initial date. Talking about ADHD can largely depend on how well a person knows their condition and how its symptoms manifest. Because ADHD can present very differently with three main types Primarily Inattentive, Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive and Combined Type one person might vary markedly from the next in what sort of challenges they face.
In addition, there are still many myths and misconceptions which surround ADHD, including that it is only a condition which affects children, and mainly boys. Many adults with ADHD were never diagnosed in childhood, so have developed a lot of maladaptive coping mechanisms such as self-medicating. This can be the time when issues such as impulsivity or inattention really begin to be felt by both parties.
In the case of long-term relationships or marriage, researchers suggest that ADHD becomes more problematic for couples who have overlooked the condition during the earlier stages of dating. One of the main ways to tackle problems is for both parties to develop more empathy for one another. This can mean making sure you take time to keep educating each other on ADHD and learn coping strategies together. The person with ADHD may feel anxious and worried the condition will mean that all their romantic relationships will be negatively affected.
For the partner who is struggling with ADHD-related issues such as important occasions being forgotten or chronic lateness, it can lead to feeling unappreciated or like their partner is losing interest in them. By discussing these issues openly, and working on constructive communication, as well as a willingness to have greater empathy, many of these issues can be overcome. Dating someone else who also has ADHD can seem like a fantastic solution to this issue.
Being around someone who has also been in the same position and knows firsthand the challenges that ADHD can bring can be a relief. There can be major incompatibilities if different people suffer from different types.
There can also be extra stress if both parties are prone to issues such as impulsivity or a lack of organization. As with many other areas of dating, much of the success of the relationship will come down to general compatibility and the willingness to listen and take mutual responsibility for the relationship and any negative behaviors associated with the condition.
For some people, dating another person with ADHD can be an incredible learning experience. For others, it can magnify existing issues as both parties struggle with their individual symptoms. While many websites and books offer sound and solid advice about ADHD and relationships, many of them are dedicated to fixing problems or to discussing if people with ADHD can have healthy relationships.
Keeping a positive mindset with focus on the benefits as well as the challenges can be really useful. This means taking responsibility for the condition, being willing to be open about challenges, and working on issues of self-esteem.
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