A lot of people have no idea how to interact with someone with a disability. While some partners may attack the issues from your chronic illness face head on, these people avoid the topic at all costs. Often times they are just too awkward to handle chronic illness well. Education leads to understanding. You may be able to get away with talking about your chronic illness with your partner later in your relationship. However, to have a serious supporting relationship it needs to be talked about early and honestly. I love it when a partner rubs my head when I have a migraine, or is empathetic to my venting.
We have decided that we will be married until one of us passes away no matter what. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your personal story with me! Wishing you and those you love a happy and meaningful life ahead!
Are not dating someone with chronic pain interesting
Enjoyed your article so much! Just a little background on me-diagnosed with severe JIA in at the age of 8. When I met my husband in college, I remember how his mother reacted when we announced our engagement. I overheard her questioning him because of my RA. We married in Ironically, my husband was diagnosed with MS in We have a very loving and strong marriage-we also take care of each other!!!
Living With Chronic Pain In A Relationship
My partner and I have been together since we were 20 and he was diagnosed with MS at He told me to walk away if wanted to but it honestly never crossed my mind. I was very sick myself for a while and he was there every step of the way. He supported me through college and has been my biggest supporter and my rock and i always maintain that my degree is our degree. We are definitely equals in our relationship. Thank you for sharing part of your life with me. This was a very interesting read thank you.
I do not suffer from a chronic illness but would not find it a barrier. Physical and son psychological issues are not what I would call barriers to stop love. However I have a slightly different twist, can I as a single person expect someone to take on my responsibilities, I have a sick sibling who ultimately will be totally dependent on me?
This has caused major tension and breakup of previous relationships.
Mar 14, Nonetheless, Zack remains open to dating someone with a chronic condition again. If anything, being with Cara proved to him that the tough stuff in life could be viewed as a gift. "In the end, despite all the limitations, we were just two people who wanted to love and be loved," he says. My chronic pain feels like this massive cloud over my head. Some days, it hangs around and it's just there. Other days, it's raining on me. Sometimes, there is a ginormous storm, with a chance of much crying. It's really hard to explain chronic pain to someone. I think it's the kind of pain that would send people to the doctors if they. Apr 04, But if I were dating someone who treated me with contempt or blame then I, a person with chronic illnesses, would leave him. If there's anything I've learned at all from dating as someone with permanent illnesses, it is to have some respect for myself.
Its not just the people who are sick that struggle. Wishing you all health, wealth, love and happiness x. It definitely is a struggle for caregivers too. I met my now husband after being diagnosed.
I told him straight away and he made no promises. I have subsequently got much worse and we deal,with what life brings together. There are still no promises. As would I. No one is perfect and sometimes it gets to us both. So far so good.
Such a fantastic post! I too have been in relationships with people on both ends of the spectrum. He was abusive in more ways than one. The other extreme is my now husband. He still sees me as the same person and does everything he can to help me keep as much independence as possible.
Thank you, and thank you for sharing! You just keep compromising little by little, until it becomes the norm. Interesting perspective! I always said I would never date anybody with a mental illness, after a couple of horrible dating experiences. In saying that, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety after my now husband and I got engaged.
It was certainly very difficult for him during this time, and I feel the only reason we have made it is because he would always remind us both that the illness I had was just that, an illness, and he knew who he fell in love with.
My husband also has epilepsy and I have spent many many sleepless nights next to him in hospital, however I have always found those scary moments to be instrumental in reminding me just how much I love him.
Sibce we were married I have developed a sometimes debilitating autoimmune disease which has its difficulties if course! Of course he gets tired and struggles sometimes, but nobody is perfect and we do show our worst sides to those we love the most. I have learned from him that love is a choice and not a feeling. Sometimes love feels good and sometimes it is a hard slog, but it is never worth giving up on the other person.
We make each other be the best we can be.
The helpful dating someone with chronic pain the
This is a very interesting and needed post. In my case the spectrum was a little different.
The mental caused physical conditions and the stress of an abusive marriage just made things worse. When I was able to get out of that and work on myself, I found someone who had always actually been there.
It took us awhile to work through the obstacles, but we have been married for over 15 years and he is my rock.
He accepts my challenges and does all he can to make me feel whole and loved. My husband continued dating me throughout our marriage until I got sick. Not being able to date even though we try has definitely affected our marriage.
Congratulate, your dating someone with chronic pain quite good variant
It would definitely be interesting to hear it from your point of view, especially since you write well! Please join us again next week.
Gentle Hugs. Ultimately, we all have quirks and issues.
I also discovered the same thing about who to date - the most important thing is someone who you feel good with. Thank you for dropping by! Yet he had seemed so compassionate when we were dating! Hehe my mom and many of my aunts say similar, i. Compassion is something that can be worked on always, I struggle with it myself. Your words were something I needed to head this morning.
I myself am dating again after a relationship that made me feel less of a person bc I was sick. I hope at some point I can find the courage and the words to write my own account of that chapter in life. Seriously though this is one of the top 3 blog posts I have ever read. Thank you xoxo. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it.
Yes dating again can be such a scary thing, simply because of that illness barrier and hurdle to go through. I do have more stories to tell, but they are irrelevant for this post in particular. Wishing you a great day and wonderful journey ahead with your loved ones. Great blog post! I have had similar experiences with dating! I am still looking for Mr.
I often feel discouraged because of my illness; I guess I feel I do not want to put anyone through my stuff. Any advice on how you regained your confidence? How did you meet your current bf? Ironically I sought her for totally different issues during a bad health period, but I realised that everything in your life is linked. Your email address will not be published.
Skip to content. Dating at One End of the Spectrum I once dated a man whose greatest desire was to start a family of his own, and it troubled him that I never seemed to get better. Dating at the Other End of the Spectrum My next boyfriend on the other hand, always saw the future in a hopeful light, and goes with the flow of life.
Sheryl Chan Mar 20, Hi Katie, relationships can make or break when something so stressful such as chronic illness comes along, especially when the couple had a difference existence before then. April Key C. Rode Mar 6, Great post! Sheryl Chan Mar 11, Thanks, April! Chad Dec 22, As you said, it is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong about that but I would definitely do it.
Catherine Santiago Jose Dec 22, I am happy that I am able to read this beautiful and interesting article today. Sheryl Chan Dec 22, Agreed, Catherine! Katie Wallace Dec 21, I can imagine this would be very hard to navigate.
Sheryl Chan Dec 22, Thanks for your thoughts, Katie! Stacie Dec 21, I would absolutely date a person with a chronic illness. Emmy Dec 21, I have chronic illnesses and my husband has a rare bone disease that has no cure. Sheryl Chan Dec 22, Hi Emmy, thanks for sharing your story. Sep 16, I agree that dating someone with a chronic illness is not for everyone. Sheryl Chan Sep 17, Exactlyalthough when the match is a good one, it can make for some of the most meaningful experiences ever.
Sorry, I went off on a tangent. Sheryl Chan Jun 10, Haha no worries on going off tangent, good to hear more thoughts! Despite Pain Jun 10, I wish, lol. Sheryl Chan Jun 10, Haha, 53!!!!!! Mandy Farmer Apr 1, This is a good thing to think about for everyone. Sheryl Chan Apr 1, Hi Mandy, yes very true. Peter Sellers Jan 10, Since my own diagnosis of kidney disease at the age of 35, dating has been tortuous and has yielded no results.
Sheryl Chan Oct 1, Hi Bruce, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Jason Jun 22, Thank you for sharing this. Sheryl Chan Jun 22, Hi Jason, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your personal story with me!
Renee Summerlin Jun 21, Enjoyed your article so much! Jamie Jun 21, My partner and I have been together since we were 20 and he was diagnosed with MS at Kathie Mar 17, I met my now husband after being diagnosed. Tania Mar 4, Such a fantastic post!
Xx Tania When Tania Talks. Emma Mar 1, Interesting perspective! Lydia B Mar 1, This is a very interesting and needed post.
Sheryl Chan Feb 28, Thanks for hosting these awesome link up parties! SO good. Because nerves travel all through the body, so can our pain. In fact, for a diagnosis of FMS, you have to have pain in all four quadrants of the body. So it's not like someone who has a bad back or pain from an old knee injury.
We may have stabbing pain in our abdomen one moment and burning sensations in our legs the next. Now for fatigue. You might think you understand this one, as well. Everyone's been really tired before, right?
Maybe you've pulled an all-nighter in college or stayed out so late once that you went to work without sleeping. Or maybe you've had mono or a nasty flu. Have you ever felt too tired to even lift your head off the bed? And it doesn't go away with rest. That's a big one to wrap your head around: rest doesn't help. We might sleep for twelve hours and wake up exhausted.
Sleep is rarely refreshing for us. Many of us also have sleep disorders, such as insomniarestless legs syndromeor sleep apnea.
May 18, Here's how chronic pain experts and patients suggest overcoming some of the challenges of dating with chronic pain: 1. Know your worth. dating someone with chronic pain Author: Anna Medaris Miller.
It doesn't matter how smart the person is, if they have this symptom, you can expect any of a wide array of symptoms, including:. A lot of things play into our cognitive dysfunction, which is also called fibro fog or brain fog. Among these are dysfunction of multiple neurotransmitters, irregular blood flow to some areas of the brain, and abnormal activity or connectivity in certain areas of the brain.
Brain fog can be mild or severe and tends to come and go. It's not a sign of low intelligence or learning disorders.
Dating someone with chronic pain
It's also not tied to dementia, even though sometimes it might seem similar. The best way to handle this is with patience. Give the person time to find the right words or gently suggest one if it seems obvious. When not if they forget something, calmly remind them.
May 10, When you have chronic pain life can be ten times harder. You don't know what you will be like day to day or even hour to hour. It can also be jarring to be with someone who is ill. Patience must be one of the most important lessons I have learned through my journey of dating while in constant pain. Oct 21, A lot of us with chronic illness feel uncomfortable with dating because we're literally sick and tired, but also because we tend to be ashamed, embarrassed or unsure about what the . Apr 14, Exercise Intolerance. Chronic fatigue syndrome involves a symptom called post-exertional malaise (PEM), which means that exercise or other physical activity can cause a spike in symptoms, especially fatigue and a flu-like feeling, that can last for benjamingaleschreck.com fibromyalgia, exercise has a similar but generally less intense impact.
You may want to encourage them to write things down on a calendar, make lists, or set reminders on their phone or computer. For us, it can be extremely frustrating to have our brains glitch on us, so keep in mind that any frustration or anger that comes with it are directed at the symptom, not at you.
Chronic fatigue syndrome involves a symptom called post-exertional malaise PEMwhich means that exercise or other physical activity can cause a spike in symptomsespecially fatigue and a flu-like feeling, that can last for days. In fibromyalgia, exercise has a similar but generally less intense impact. Aerobic exercise has been shown to reduce pain and other symptoms, and therefore is recommended for both conditions. However, in some people, it can take very little exertion to trigger PEM.
For this reason, it's important for you to follow your partner's lead when it comes to physical activity.
And yes, this does include sex. With care, someone with these conditions may still be able to have a fulfilling sex life.
You advise dating someone with chronic pain the phrase
Will you face some challenges because of entering into a relationship with someone with these conditions? But every relationship has challenges, and you have the benefit of going in with your eyes open. Many people with chronic illness have healthy, happy relationships. Patience, understanding, and compassion will help things get off to a good start.
Best of luck to you! Learn about treatment and lifestyle changes to cope with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback!