Each and every struggle is real. The struggle to simply exist, let alone thrive as a Black woman; the struggle to overcome micro and macro aggressions at work, at school, in the world; and of course, the struggle to develop and maintain healthy relationships. For someone like me who is often protesting, attending or participating in political actions, and generally devoting a good amount of time to justice causes, it can feel almost impossible to develop a healthy relationship that aligns with and respects your beliefs. So, when you meet a man who talks all that woke talk and who appears to be walking that woke walk, it can be all too easy to start thinking he could be bae. Facebook post after another. But how can you know this going in?
He wants to learn! But I pushed those thoughts aside.
Really. dating while woke all
I was in New York! Getting educated and more or less dating a nice guy who was into learning! Martin is too simplistic of an argument. He could not, would not stop.
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Perhaps it's because I give credit to people to already know that this is a really transparently stupid thing to ask - especially in front of children - that makes it so infuriating.
I moved almost every year as a kid and like above posters, hated "where are you from? Irksome because English is my first language despite being South Asian but the questioner is definitely not expecting that. And don't get me started on: How come your English is so good? I can't think of one, but I feel like collectively the answer here is that the awkward topics are pretty hard to foresee. Dating has a lot of awkwardness potential.
To be woke is to recognize that you can't turn off your awareness of inequity and anti-blackness of all forms. To be woke is a constant negotiation of society as is, society we seek to realize, and. Mar 15, Dating while woke March 15, AM Subscribe There's a common-ish first date/getting to know you question that I dislike because it makes assumptions about my background, and the truth is a sensitive topic.
The key may be to think of a good, concise redirecting comment if there's a common topic that gets under your skin, for practical purposes of self-preservation. I don't remember ever asking "what do your parents do?
Agree, dating while woke sorry, that
If you really aren't interested in the person, a simple "I don't like to talk about that" should do the trick. As I've gotten older and started hanging out with better people I hear less of this, but I always hated "What do you do for a living?
I think it can be a perfectly innocuous question, though, but I think phrasing it more as "how did you end up in your job? I can relate to the parents question and I think I just say something like "my dad was a roofer and my mom was a homemaker" and move on, but it's not what people are usually expecting because I have a higher ed degree.
It was harder for me as a kid when I really didn't know what to say when my friend's parents would ask because the answer was that we were receiving social assistance but back when it was called welfare. I think families in general are a sensitive topic.
There might be a recent death or serious illness in the family that they don't want to dwell upon. In general, you could start broad and in the present moment, then follow their lead. Oh a vacation with your mom. What'll you do? Yeah, I think the key thing is gauging other peoples' responses.
If they answer vaguely, don't pry; if they change the subject, just go with the flow. There's usually no need to take offense.
Dating while woke
My version of this - it's not really a question - is that my dad died when I was a little kid. People always react with surprise and often say something like "I'm so sorry," but hey, that's my life and it's always been my life and what am I gonna do about it? But it always comes up somehow, and it pretty much has to if I'm getting to know someone. I'm not going to lie about it or sugarcoat it, but I don't make a big deal out of it either.
Occasionally, people will ask for more details, which I don't really like. Not so much because it's painful or because I take offense to it, but because I don't really have much to say about it. Certainly not in that context.
So I'd guess if you ever meet someone in a similar situation don't press for details if they don't offer them up. In my dating profile I state that I run my own business. I have a problem when in the very first or really in any, before we've met in person message the guy asks "What kind of business do you run?
I participate in certain events which pop up if my name is Googled, and the participants' addresses are listed there. Which happens to be my home address because I run my business from home.
So yeah, I usually have to answer that I'd rather not talk about it yet because it makes me easily searchable. Which probably makes some men think that I'm paranoid. Oh well. Agreed with breakin' the law.
My father also died when I was young and I don't like when dates ask follow up questions about it. Not so much insensitive as just silly: "How are you finding your online dating experience so far?
The question is usually asked so they can vent about past dates which is necessarybut vent about it to their current date bad idea, date poison.
Renault at PM on March 15, [ 5 favorites ]. I can learn a lot about someone based on how they ask questions and how they react to my answers. Those first 30 minutes with someone are actually golden because you have the ability to be really subjective and objective, at least much more than usual.
I am not afraid to set a boundary if someone asks something too personal. If the person respects the boundary, then we're set; if they pry or act dejected, then I know it won't be a good match from the start. Likewise, if someone reacts inappropriately or unkindly to one of my answers, I also know quickly that they're a bad match. While it sucks that the people asking you about your family were so superficial, your sensing their classism from the start let you know to not waste any more time with them.
And another thing! If your date has a disability and needs some kind of accommodation, just do it, and don't pry. If they need you to do something specific, they will let you know.
It's just their normal state of affairs, and they don't need to explain their physiology to a stranger. We'll get to that story one day, just not on day one. Renault at PM on March 15, [ 3 favorites ]. It sounds like there's no question that couldn't end up offending or otherwise bothering someone in some way.
Valuable piece dating while woke accept
How did you end up in this city? Well, maybe you were fleeing an abusive partner or trying to create distance between yourself and your terrible family. What do you do in your free time? Maybe you have a chronic illness and can't really manage anything besides work. My brother died young, but if someone asks me how many siblings I have, I don't get upset about it. Nobody should have to guess that such a simple question is painful.
I say I have two living sisters and a brother who died. I'm not saying there aren't any questions that are just offensive. You should never assume that someone isn't from the country you're in or doesn't speak English as a first language. But if you're going to meet with strangers, you really just have to assume that they might accidentally say something that would usually be perfectly reasonable, but is not in your specific case. To me, the real problem is in follow-up.
Don't pry about things that seem personal. If someone brushes off a question, respect that. But you can't really have a conversation with someone you don't know if you have to avoid anything that someone somewhere might find upsetting.
Unless you just want to talk about the weather. Even then, there's probably someone who in the world who has painful weather-related memories. Yeah, this is really hard to gauge. I get that it seems like an innocuous question. I do mind when the person continues to poke at a topic after I try to change it.
You migraine dating while woke consider
If it comes up that your date doesn't drink, or doesn't want to meet in a bar, please don't ask why. They might be in recovery, have family members who deal with addiction, have a health condition or be on a medication that makes drinking a bad idea, or it might be for religious reasons, all of which are or can be pretty personal and not necessarily first-date material.
Oh lord. I'm transgender so it's guaranteed that I will get asked something stupid. Anything that questions the gender I say I am is a deal-breaker, or anything that displays total ignorance if you're going to message a trans person, google some stuff first. I'm a lates woman without kids. I do not find that at all interesting and thus don't really want to answer questions about it and if someone else did, it might indicate that they were a bad fit for me.
Pretty much anything to do with families, where I grew up, or whether I have kids.
Woke Online Dating: This is Ridiculous!!!
I had a very difficult childhood, moved every year or more and I don't have kids. None of these are topics for a getting-to-know you conversation. In fact I've never discussed most of them in much depth with my closest friends, so I sure as hell don't want to talk about them with someone I've just met.
I also find the status-oriented questions quite off-putting. Things like where you went to school, what your parents do for a living, etc. The kind of people who ask these questions never turn out to be the kind of people I want to hang out with.
Poster, I really think you should give both yourself and the person you're trying to get to know a break. The getting-to-know-you process is already awkward much of the time without having a laundry list of questions that might possibly could trigger someone If we added up all the triggering questions mentioned in this thread, we'd have very little left to talk about.
This whole thread brings back bad memories for me. Years ago, I was trying to get to know a new guy and he apparently freaked out because of what I felt was an innocent question I asked.
It was close to Thanksgiving and he mentioned he wouldn't be spending it with his family.
I asked if they lived out of town and apparently that was the moment I totally lost him. He later told me over email that he found it invasive or something along those lines.
I was utterly shocked as 1.
Nov 15, Dating while "woke" is hard because you care if every move you make or preference upholds an oppressive system. I talked with my friend about this and she summed it up for me. The roles themselves aren't the problem. The issue begins when people are forced into benjamingaleschreck.com: Ashleigh Atwell. Mar 08, Dating While Woke: RIP Fred Hampton. March 8, | By Jehan Roberson. By Jehan Roberson. Y'all. Each and every struggle is real. The struggle to simply exist, let alone thrive as a . Mar 27, This is for all my fellow "woke" people that have to explain to new partners that 9/11 was indeed an inside job lol! Enjoy Do you guys relate?! Tell me below! Don't forget to like and subscribe.
I'd meant no harm by it, and 2. He brought up the topic in the first place, I was just asking a follow-up question. Please go into first meetings with the idea that you and they are probably of good will, and then use clear communication to clear up any misunderstandings.
The subject - be it family, job, school, nationality, children - does not even matter. There are several examples in this thread illustrating just that. The key is to be sensitive to the cues that your dates give you.
Know when to shut up.