We have all been there at one time or another - fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships. A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together.
The loved ones want to understand the situation and ask for recommendations and guidance. Obviously, this article has created the need for sequels. I hope to publish a guide to assist Losers who want to change their life and behavior.
An article addressing sons and daughters who were parented by Losers is also being planned. My goal is to follow this issue and provide help and guidance to all those involved with controlling and abusive individuals - from partners to extended victims. Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities.
These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment.
Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you.
Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. He will make endless promises that he has no intention of keeping.
He will say that he loves you but then treats you like something on the bottom of his shoe. He may even become physically abusive. At this point, you need to walk away, regardless of any tearful apologies that he may make. A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image. He is unable to walk past a mirror without checking himself out. He also likes to talk about himself and rarely lets you speak, unless it is to shower him with praise. He expresses very little interest in your life, family, friends, work or your activities and interests.
Your role is to make him feel good about himself and not to bore him with the minutia of your life.
A loser tends to be extremely active on social media, constantly posting images of himself. He will closely monitor the number of 'likes' and adoring comments from his followers. It is highly improbable that he will add any photographs of you. He does not want anyone to steal his thunder. A loser lacks empathy and does not stop for one moment to consider how his actions will affect you.
His inability to accept criticism also means that he is never wrong. Consequently, any attempt by you to challenge his wrongdoings will simply result in feelings of anger or self-pity on his part. As a result of this, you may even begin making excuses for his actions. A loser will openly criticise and embarrass you in public. He will do his very best to make you feel worthless, so that he can feel superior to you.
This makes you easier to control.
As you begin to have feelings of self-doubt, you will eventually reach a point where you feel worthless. This is exactly where a loser wants you to be.
He does not want you to succeed at anything, as that would make you better than him. He is secretly setting you up to fail at everything you do.
At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. This is to lull you into a false sense of security, but do not be fooled. This is simply a ruse to deceive you into believing that he is financially secure.
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More often than not, a loser is living on credit. He is unable to manage his money and often has significant debts. He also has a great sense of entitlement which means that he spends way beyond his means.
Slowly, but surely, he will begin to milk you for all you are worth. He may explain that he has 'cash flow' problems and begin by borrowing small amounts of money.
Initially, he may even repay these. A small token gesture which is intended solely to further increase your confidence in lending him larger amounts of money.
Gloom am i dating a loser
A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money. Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.
You really do not need financial hardship on top of heartbreak. If you are having problems getting over them, then you should consider implementing a period of no contact. The most important thing to remember is that the problem is not with you. You may even discover that your partner has a history of this type of poor behaviour. It is also possible that he has a borderline personality disorder or, worse still, is a narcissist. Ultimately, you will discover that the trouble with dating a loser is that they are not always that easy to get rid of.
As soon as you start pulling away, in an attempt to end the relationship, they usually pursue you with renewed vigour. Whilst this may generate feelings in your head that you may have made a mistake, please remember that this is not necessarily a sign that you were wrong. Just ensure that you see the loser for the person he actually is, not the person you want him to be.
All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back.
Why did he do that? It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum. Either way, you're better off without him. Move on and find someone who is more deserving of your love. So I started talking to a boy in school. We are coming to the end of the term. We seem very close. I told him that I liked him, and he blushed.
He takes my pencil and won't give it back until I shake his hand; but most of the time, it's more like holding hands because he holds on and won't let go.
Do you think he has any interest in me? It sounds as if you are at the beginning of a long life journey that will bring you both pleasure and pain.
Apr 25, "The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. "The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a Author: Dr Joseph M Carver, Phd. Nov 13, For the record I think spending time defining the term loser is pretty god damn sad. It's obviously a highly subjective piece of terminology that depends on where you stand in the first place. If you can't see this you aren't necessarily a loser, but you certainly aren't very bright. In before everyone calls me a loser lol. Aug 01, Dating a loser can result in months, if not years of frustration, confusion, tears and tantrums. It also has the potential to cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships. However, the warning signs are easy to spot. The question is, will you choose to act upon them?
Perhaps this boy thinks of you as a friend, or maybe as a girlfriend. I honestly cannot tell.
Jan 17, Take our short online quiz to help you test whether you're in love, lust, or with a loser.
The best advice I can give you is to enjoy the attention, but don't let it detract from your studies. Believe me, in ten years time, you won't even remember these events, but your exam results will stay with you for the rest of your life.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying the first throes of young love. However, you must stay focused and prioritize what your long-term goals are. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.
I have to give my take. Read about sociopath, psychopath, narcissistic personalities and what victims of these munipulating non-human beings do to a person psychologically, emotionally, financially, spiritually.
I am a counselor and was almost driven to shoot myself. This monster deliberately tried to give me hiv all the while playing on my empathy and love for him, while telling me it was all my fault.
Very valuable gloom am i dating a loser that
It was impossible to tell the the truth from fiction, I questioned my sanity through out. The worst and most eye opening experience of my life. Please, stop insinuating to victims that it is part their fault for being deceived and manipulated. It is a very painful ordeal and personally I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and got attacked and blamed by his realm of friends and family who are also being manipulated and lied to and don't have a clue.
Those statements of blaming someone who has done no wrong and is going through such a moment of questioning their self worth and devastation cam mean the difference between life or death.
I have so many clients I run into who thank me for helping them, can you imagine if a monster like this had gotten his way only to replace good deeds with his evil intent.
I had no idea such evil people existed in real life. Look up the symptoms of a sociopaths victims, then you will have a small minute glympse of the torment a person was blindly led into.
5. He needs me. If ever there was a big enough ball to keep you chained to a loser, it's this one. We love being needed. We eat that up like a chocolate chip hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top. AM I DATING A LOSER? by Gloom. NO! THIS PRODUCT CAN'T BE REAL - Real or Fake Stories I Asked My Best Friend Gloom To Help Me Solve The World's EASIEST Riddles. (We Failed) by . Apr 15, I'm Kassie, also known as Gloom! I'm a variety gamer who does gameplay commentary on indie games and some bigger titles too. AM I DATING A LOSER? - Duration: Gloom 1, views.
Like the lobster, being put in the pan before it is heated doesn't realize it is being cooked to death to be feasted upon. There was a time in years past that elderly family members had much to say about their young people's choices of mates.
Then, more young people listened to them. Now, young people mostly make their own decisions about a mate and marriage without consulting their fathers, mothers and grandparents. It is true that we are responsible for our own happiness, but that includes being responsible and sensible enough to listen to wisdom and people who love us and have always looked out for us when we could not help ourselves.
A good, loving father or brother is usually able to assess the reliability of a daughter's chosen partner. Guys know guys.
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The one thing we do agree on DashingScorpio is that we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. The point I was trying to get across is that sometimes it is easier for someone on the "outside" to gain a better perspective of situations than someone who is entangled in the middle of it. You offer some excellent points in this hub. However I would have to slightly disagree with you about the problem not being "you" in the article.
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I realize we live in an era where everyone wants to point the finger at someone else or anything else when it comes to dealing with issues. The truth is each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
There is no getting around that one. If I go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead Do I curse the onion for not being an apple? I have to learn to become a better "shopper"! You are responsible for your own happiness. It's your life. Take the wheel! One man's opinion!