There are many things that people must endure here on earth. Two of the hardest things? Both being in love and losing love. Being in love is awesome when it goes the right way. Losing love feels tantamount to missing a limb. Yet, you are supposed just to pick up and carry on. In reality, you look around and see you enjoy life just as much, if not more, than all those people telling you what you are missing out on.
He had served time for drug dealing, though he never sold to kids. So there's that. When I had read "entrepreneur" in his profile, that's not exactly what I had in mind. Before you assume this was some big "incident" that turned me off dating, it wasn't.
It was years ago, and since then I've dated, even long-term. But I've also come to realize that online dating is, for me, a miserable means to a questionable end. Maybe marriage will happen; maybe it won't. But it's not a goal. I don't feel a need to make it happen.
To those for whom meeting "the one" is a goal, I really hope you succeed. I have friends who have spreadsheets and shortlists and actively project-manage their dating with a focused energy I reserve for sample sales.
Sep 25, If I don't want to have sex and passion with a person anymore, I think it shows my lack of interest - Jim*, 30 They knew when they started liking someone else. The last time I tried online dating, it went something like this: We met for drinks, he ordered for me, insisting I try this awesome cocktail (it was not). Two hours later, as we were leaving, he said, "I realize this may be too soon, but I feel a real connection here. 3.*) Overall. Just pick one thing you don't like about yourself and eliminate it. Focus purely on that and forget all other things. If you think you're too fat, join a team sport. Gym won't work, it's too much self help and less fun. Try volleyball or tennis. 4) if you have a feature you don't like and can't physically change, for example: a.
As I listen to their countless stories of terrible dates, I'm sympathetic. I've been there. And I'm glad I'm not there now.
Many people find that last part difficult to understand: I'm happy being single. Maybe it's because marriage and children have been the ideals for so long, with confirmed bachelor uncles and spinster aunts whispered about like family failures. Maybe it's because we're too focused on the future. I've often been asked, "Aren't you afraid of being alone when you're old? I've also been told I'm too pessimistic, unwilling to fill my half-empty glass.
Or, last week, a friend called me "unlucky," as if finding someone is a lottery and I'm holding a losing ticket. More apt, perhaps, is that I haven't bought a ticket at all. You have to be in it to win it, you know. Why does being single sound so negative? I'm sure many want to get married, but there are others, like me, who do not.
I'm not pessimistic, unhappy or lonely. I gotcha on this one. Relationships are never drama-free. To make a relationship work, you must put in the time and effort. If you want a drama-free life, then not dating might be the answer for you. The best feeling is being able to make decisions for yourself and do your own thing. If you want to watch porn, buy a car that is too expensive, or go away for the weekend, not having someone to answer to is one of the most liberating things on earth.
Only being responsible for you and not having anyone treat you captive or like a child is incredible.
If you want to live the single life, have at it. When you date someone long enough, there comes a time when things move forward and long-term options need to be discussed. The thing is, you can date and not have to be tied to someone forever. Loners are people who like to be on their own.
It is a totally reasonable option and choice. If you are someone who likes to be on your own, then that is your decision to make. Liked what you just read? No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined E-mail to:. Your Name:.
Your Email:. Personalized Message:. So what if it confuses other people! I used to hope some nice woman would simply ask me out. I know in the USA it's pretty uncommon but it does happen. After a few years I stopped hoping. Now that I'm 40 there are very few women I would be interested in. Most have had children already I wanted kids many have had way way to many partners.
Very few keep themselves fit, obesity in the USA is everywhere. So I stopped asking and at least where I live men not only need to work hard at dating to succeed they must compete be with many other guys for the rare female which is just not my style. As my friend says, she's got ten guys waiting on tinder for her, she can treat you like crap and have a date tomorrow while you spend the next six months just to have the privilege of paying for her dinner.
Personally, I recall when I was 24 that for 18 months solid, I had a date every single night with a different guy. Sometimes, my diary was so full that I would ask to be hoem at 10 pm, then meet another guy at Well, if you look at photos of me when I was young, it's probably self-explanatory. In all that time, I never met a single man who I connected with. And the fault was all mine!
I never made any demands on any of them. I have never made any demands on any man I have ever met. In America, however, women have been taught that they must be treated like goddesses, and that if they aren't, then the men don't respect them.
America has a very weird dating culture. It took me about 3 months after arriving in the States to realize there was something very wrong with the way men and women connected there. I was appalled to be constantly asked within 30 or 40 minutes of meeting sometimes earlier whether I was a first date or third date girl.
And the vulgarity of talking about sex! So, no, I know absolutely nothing about how difficult so many men find it to find dates. I do know that I would never go out with a man who wasn't well educated and that doesn't mean a qualificationhadn't traveled the world, and wasn't in good physical condition. Why would I? He must bring as much to the table as I do.
Most men think they are attractive, and beause here is't a picture of you, I cannot determine if you are attractive.
But attractive men do get dates. Being attractive is not wholly a physical thing. It is a character thing. I would tell her to go jump in the lake. I'm also not sure where you get your figures and what age group you are talking about, but why don't you go to a dance school and learn to dance Lindy, jitterbug, waltz, salsa, etc.
When I used to go dancing at dancing schools for the socials, I used to meet many men, and people used to hang out all the time.
In Ireland and the UK, people dont' really date. They meet others in pubs, etc. It is a very different culture to the American dating one. The reason why women think men are all the same is that they all want sex. She said that the women always moaned becausee the men wanted sex, and they gave it because if they didn't, the men would go elsewhere.
One of the biggest reasons I stay away from men is because they want sex. I'm quite happy to go out with men just for the company. But sex? Not interested. A surprising number of women aren't, but they won't say that because it will cost them dates.
Tessa, from your conversation with David I would have to conclude you are clueless as to the difference in the experience of men vs women in the dating world.
I'm tall, fit and attractive and I gave up dating at 30 because of how rediculously hard dating has become. The rules are unknowable, and frankly it's just not worth the amount I of time it taks just to get one platonic date. It's also rediculously expensive to comply with the over the top demands. My last date decided she didn't like my choice of restaurants so we went to one she wanted. It took six months of an hour or more a day online.
Dating for a man is a lot of time, work and money. Lots and lots of money. I think this is why women think men are all like that one guy as he is the one they all meet.
If you've had to try that hard to get a date, you're not particularly attractive to woman. It happens.
The birth lottery makes us all very unequal. There are a lot of men who assume that if a woman speaks to them, then they must be interested. So they touch or hit on the woman in some way. Many men have told me through the years that it took them well into their 60s to realize that sometimes a woman is just talking to you the way they talk to a female friend.
It doesn't mean they are interested in you.
Mar 13, If you're trying to make plans for the future and realize your partner isn't in them, your subconscious may have already cut them out. 2. You're Daydreaming About The Freedom Of Singlehood. Being.
And if you touch them when they are not interested, it is harassment. Men should take the time to learn how women work. Yes, women are interested in a man having money. After all, once a woman has children, she is limited in earning financially.
Therefore how much money the male has is vitally important. It has always been that way. By the same token, men have always been interested in beautiful women. Ugly women don't stand a chance with a rich or goodlooking man. It works both ways. Men and women just want different things. To want looks is quite shallow, don't you think?
I'm sorry, but you must be living on another planet. A handshake does not get you into jail. That's Trump talking. He's an orange buffoon and he takes advantage of people's bitterness and ignorance.
Basically men have no right to touch a woman until and unless she gives permission to do so. If you don't know how to read that permission, the onus is on you.
A decent gentleman? Maybe not. Decent gentleman don't touch woman without permission. The reason I gave up dating?
Seems i dont feel like dating anymore thanks for the
Im 56yo and called it quits in Then as now with women its been all about how many "Benjimans" one can get ahold of, "body part size", and the biggest dealbreaker? That big, bad number. Nowdays I have endured age discrimination, in some real nasty ways. Crass comments, called a pervert, etc. But the thing that would scare me the most ""if"" I wanted to date?
This claiming "sexual harassment" if a guy even looks at, talks to or even remotely touches her in any way. Even a handshake can get one thrown in jail now. Ive been alone, basically a hermit since I dont care if I die alone. Women and this "new power statement" they have and can use against a guy scares me to death. Havent been out on a weekend night for 32yrs. Im too damned scared of going to jail.
But now, Ive got less than zero interest in anybody female. What court would believe a decent gentleman when the lady is ""crying"" to a judge? Hes gonna buy her bs story, crocodile tears and Im going to jail, she'll walk.
Like most of my friends, I gave up on women when I turned It's sad that I'll never have children or a family but I'll never be rich enough to attract a decent women. Alpha As I'm not interested in dating, it goes without saying that I'm not interested in connecting with a man in terms of marriage.
So, technically speaking, I don't have to bring anything to the table. That said, what I bring to the table is not for public consumption. I think it's very sad sex is the driving force of human males.
Clearly, if there was a god, it was a design error. I've read your article. Read many of the comments below.
I was surprised to read that you wouldn't date someone who wasn't very well off or established. Why is that? I ask because it's seems like generally a women at 66 has a lower sexual market value, which is what men place with high priority. You said you bring a lot to the table, even though you are financially dirt poor. What is it that you bring to the table that you feel would make you deserving to have expectations of only dating men who are financially very established?
I'm 42 and single. I'm curious about having your point of view as an older woman and how she views her worth and what she brings to the table in a relationship.
Nobody accepts anyone for who they are. People are either attracted to another person or they are not.
Apr 09, Congratulations lady! You have taken a very brave and very awesome step. Falling in love and being in a relationship is one of the best gifts of life. It can also be one of the worst decisions of our life if we are with an incompatible person. Yet. Jun 24, So the reasons some men reach a point where they don't date anymore are similar to those of women-generally too many negative experiences with the opposite sex. Too Many Other Commitments and InterestsReviews: tl; dr: i (21 f) really dont feel like dating my boyfriend (27 m) anymore but he won't let me go. whenever i try to leave he would write me a paragraph the next morning how hes not quitting on this relationship, but continues to keep me blocked on instagram and brings his phone every where with him.
You can't be any older than I am, and I seem to remember that in the 'old days,' boys would be boys, and women could do nothing about it. Well then again there are many of us good men out there that can't meet a decent normal woman to date as it is since the great majority of the women today just want to sleep around and party all the time with different men which they just can't settle down with only one man unfortunately.
And there are many of us men that really do want a serious relationship which most women now just don't want that at all. Most women today are nothing at all like the old days when most women back then were very old fashioned and real ladies which made love very easy to find at that time, and definitely many men and women were very committed to one another as well too.
But unfortunately today is a very different time since many women now have their careers today which even i will admit that they really don't need a man to survive anymore and can really make it on their own. And now most women prefer men with money which they will never go with a man that makes much less money, and this makes most of the women of today real users and losers.
Very difficult for many of us good men trying to meet a good woman that will be able to Accept us for who we really are. Thank you so much for your response!
I did not expect one, especially one so quickly. That's just the way the internet seems to me. You are obviously a very intelligent woman with many valuable things to offer I find it a shame that any of us would equate "what we bring to the table", to a monetary wealth we would look for in someone else.
Whether it's humor, intelligence, nurturing, sex, cooking It is only my lowly, humble opinion and I must admit to my own foolishly utopian idealism when it comes to men and women in relationships.
I make love to you, you make love to me. I guess matching up the personality traits or flaws is more difficult than any of us realize. Sage Comment.
You are correct. There is a double standard. I would interpret the hidden attitude of many women to be that they want to be the power behind the throne. Ironically, just after Obama took office, he asked for an investigation to be conducted as to why women earned so much less than men.
Words... i dont feel like dating anymore the ideal answer
There are exceptions. He told me I was a beautiful woman and I would get married. That was in South Africa. He said that one day the young guy would have a family. The fact that I was a single mother with no other income did not seem to worry him at all. That, together, with the expectation by American men that I sleep with them either on the first date or the third date, and having the gumption to ask me what date I would sleep with them on, put me off American men for good. I find it amusing that at 66, I look 20 years younger, am still considered a beautiful woman, am in excellent health, am considered highly intelligent, extremely well educated with a high ethical standard plus talented in many areas.
Of course, having brought up a child singlehandedly with a disability on three continents with no tertiary qualification at the time and with no financial or emotional support from anyone, I am, currently, dirt poor with no savings, no capital, and live at the very bottom of the financial totem pole. Because I bring more than enough to the table.
7 Signs You May Not Be Ready for a Relationship
I struggled against tremendous odds, and there are those who will tell you that the statistical odds of my surviving what I did and getting to where I am is nothing short of miraculous. So here I am.
Highly unlikely to get involved or married. Interesting discussion, and there are many good articles out there. I'm a single 55 year old man who has never had trouble dating women, but I do find it difficult to find women who are willing to take on equal responsibility both financially, and communicatively. I believe there is still a bit of a double standard. Women seem to want equality, even in a relationship, but when it comes to the reality of it they have a tendency to fall short.
I shudder at the times I can remember a woman asking what kind of car I drove, or what my yearly salary was I have given up on dating, for quite a few reasons.
You've mentioned a few in your article. For me, it is the imbalance. Men are expected to be at a certain financial point, in nearly every stage of their life, and when that is expected of women from men I'm also not one of those men who do not find older women attractive. If they have a sense of humor, still concerned about their health and fitness, and don't expect from me more than they're willing to give of themselves The pool gets smaller as we get older, and being totally independent has a real value of its own.
Frustrating to the opposite sex sometimes I would say I gave up on dating 15 years ago, but as I've never really dated anyone that's not quite true. I did try online once, it was terrible.
I spent a lot of time writing messages that never got answered until I gave up. Thank you, Lana, the Redhead. I was just busy composing a letter to a guy explaining to him why, nice man as he is, I'm not interested in getting involved. The investment just isn't worth the reward for me. You've expressed it beautifully.
I will just give him your letter to read. Hi, new to Paired Life. I'm very happy I've found this forum. Numerous relationships, one defacto relationship, no children by circumstance Lately I've hung up the towel. After the last disaster with a widower thinking I could have a ready made family for the last 3 years I have stepped out of the arena.
I've been here before. The longest break from dating was 6 years of single celibacy. I find relationships take up a lot of my emotional and physical energy. After all these years trying with no lasting happiness and the window for children long-closed I am reassessing my needs. I don't need a man for financial support.
I'm independent, my own paid off home, have hobbies, interests and good friends. My family is small and farewelled both parents and my brother over the last 10 years. I've been through the wringer, and without boring everyone I've had a lot of therapy and "family of origin" counselling and understand myself so well now and forgive myself and others who contributed to where I am now.
Like so many women of my generation they thought they could "have it all". I've had some interesting jobs media, TV etc and I've got new ideas for my own artistic creativity.
It's been years to come to this point of acceptance regarding childlessness and the illusion of "happily every after". I do function well on my own.
Very valuable i dont feel like dating anymore remarkable, valuable
I live alone and have made my home beautiful, artistic, warm, safe and comfortable. I love to entertain, travel and be able to do what I want when I want. I can't say I "will never date again" - but I am truly reassessing what is important now; what I will accept and not accept.
I can't truly see myself living with anyone again, financially it is too risky. I guess I've tried for years to find a lasting relationship and it just never happened.
Many people are puzzled and perplexed about that and when my friends were having children I had years of hormone hell. Now I lose my rackets and am moving into a place of "acceptance". The calming of the hormones have helped and now looking for other ways to be happy, to further make me the creative and funny individual I am.
I am a complete catch! However, do I want to put my heart through the mincer again? Let me tell you after dating for decades, it is patched, scarred, ragged and shrunk a little. But I got it back. It's mine and I'm not sure I want to share it again. The recovery process is so slow and painful, the anxiety and depression a little harder each time.
This would be why more women than men choose permanent singlehoo men are obsolete in women's lives. I'm a very young woman and I gave up dating because I'm in a new era for women and I don't want to date a bunch of jerks just because I must to get married, because "it's a society rule". People always push me to marry and have kids because "you must do it or you'll die alone". That's rude, but people enjoy that. There isn't guarantee I would like to find my soulmate, but sorry, I think that it won't happen.
Sometimes, ruminating thoughts of fear to be alone forever appear on my mind, but I'm not! I have my lovely parents, pets and friends and they provide me with the emotional support that I need!
I gave up when I turned 30, when my wife left. It took a decade to dig out of the mess working two jobs to pay off the divorce debt. To bad, I think I would make a great dad it's just not for me. At least this way I can invest in myself, being single and not spending my time and energy fulfilling womens needs allowed me to for once in my life work on me. I got an engineering degree, work out and got in great shape, have savings, retirement and a good credit rating why would I risk loosing it all?
Yes, being celibate sucks and for a few years I took anti depressants not that I was depressed it just reduced my sex drive which I always thought was to much anyway now I use licorice root, saw palmetto and chase tree extract capsules and without the constant nagging libido I find women less than interesting. Now I've been women free for 16 years, if I can only get people to quite saying things like "You're such a great catch, why don't you get a girlfriend?
Mostly I get this from my female friends and relatives, my male friends know why I don't, no explanation needed many choose the same lifestyle. I stopped dating because I wanted to heal. All dating and relationships did nothing but cause more pain in my life.
I have found out that I am more happy being without a relationship. I would want someone in my life but This is my experience all the men that I have met have been nothing but liers and cheaters. I have tried to not bring past issues into new relationships and start with an open mind, I have been friendly, loving, caring, accepting. I have explained to them my past experiences. Dating is extremely hard. No one is interested in truly taking the time to get to know you.
I have told men that I have dated that I don't want to deal with a married man. I turn around and I find out they are married or involved. So many of them have babies everywhere. Then they feel like I am judging them because I tell them honestly.
I dont feel like dating anymore
It is difficult to raise one family successfully. It is not being bitter. So I choose to be alone. I wish I could meet a nice guy, a real one in the flesh. Perhaps you should just tell them that you are not interested in sex.
That would probably discourage most men. For me, at the core is friendship, but it seems we live in a throw-away society, even with friendship. Well written article on a subject never thought addressed.
Not i dont feel like dating anymore think
Most of what you said is something that I think a lot of readers would have wanted to read. The 'trigger' came when you suggested I shouldn't give up looking. That made me feel inadequate. Hi Tess. I've just logged on and notice your message to me about deleting my last message and your response. Sorry, I didn't get to see your response.