Elaine Flowers is the co-author of "So How Was Your Date? I know I share the sentiments of many women, especially those women who have had the fortunate experience, like myself, of being treated well by men. Things that were once taken for granted are now just memories and sometimes those things are all together forgotten because the nonsense seems to be the status quo. I understand that since the emergence of online dating, that meeting a new person in a public place is necessary under those circumstances. No problem there.
Actual dates. But then I realized that this must be what actual real dating is like. And then she told me she was Southern and I noticed some things and a light-bulb went off in my head.
She's southern so she wants the formality of dating, but she IS interested and does see us getting into a relationship, but she wants to date first. I love it. I was just so conditioned against traditional dating that I didn't understand what was going on when that's what the girl wanted.
I knew what it was in theory, but not in practice. I'd never done it, didn't know what it was. I do now and I love it. I love connecting outside the bedroom and getting to know the person and not having to worry that it might only be lust instead of actual real feelings.
I should have known better than to get into them, and would have, if I was busier getting to know them instead of just assuming I already did c'mon she's my GF and just "hanging out" with her like we didn't need to get to know more about each other.
From the POV of a guy who accidentally found out what it's like to date someone And it it's not I remember being 18, standing around for a bus, asking a woman who was probably 23 for the time because my phone was dead. She went off on a rant, apparently perceiving this as a pickup line, and judging me of course unworthy, even though I just wanted to figure out when the next bus was. There are many more stories I can recall right now of that sort.
This article is soooo true and so frustrating. In today's world, women are becoming like the type of man they will never find.
We have to, we have no choice.
We have to take the reins and build a nest egg for ourselves. I think it's great to see how far we've come but I'm also frightened by today's man. I meet more amazing single women daily It's funny how some of the posters here just don't get this article and I am sorry but if you are a millennial you most likely fall into that category. Smarmy2 stop already with your ignorance. It was not that long ago that men did exactly what this article states.
What planet are you from? Did your parents not tell you about the society of their youth? Also please stop with the whining! If you are so damned upset with your stupid idea of how women are taking over the world well then why the hell don't men do something about it? Who do think started feminism? Do you not know history? It wasn't women. Here's another fact: Men were once men and not self pitying whiners. True, women let men get away with bad behavior. Still, I believe that women could be more proactive by making the first move.
For the ladies I would advise to be more open to talk many guys online, then narrow down to longer chats, then phone calls and then have real, proper dates with few guys until you find your match. Slow and steady! Women get burned too. Women make you wait, but you can always ask. Yardly Smith, you should teach at schools and enlighten our young boys about life! Of the list, the only one I agree is the last one as many friends suffered by the hands of men who couldn't take a no. However, the other 9 elements of the list are laughable!
In fact, not paying for your own stuff and part of the date is enough for me to vanish without looking back. I will not feel obligated to be a "gentleman" for a woman who knows how to be a modern girl only when it suits her, this is not fair nor right. We should be teaching young boys to respect women the same way you would respect another human being, of course, but let her pull her own chairs, stop leaching you and acting like a damsel only when it suits her but forgetting it comes to reciprocate.
Honestly, after my divorce, I'll never put another woman in my house! MidThirties, thank you for your words of wisdom. Yes, things have changed in drastic ways and the rise in technology is certainly a factor.
All the best in finding an awesome woman to share your life with. The world is a constantly changing place, we can never go back to how things were before as long as technology is taking over our lives. Nobody can point the finger at men or women in this ct. So long as the world grows more technologically advanced, relationships will become more and more superficial. Love is a two way street, and expectation is the mother of all heartache.
The only one you can expect more from is yourself. I am happily single and will remain that way until I find a woman who is already trying. Skin color is irrelevant, I wish people would just omit the subject.
Suzette, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. Cherish those memories for sure but I hope that God the Universe will bless you once again. I have a wonderful man in my life so I know it is still possible to find respectful men. However, if you remain single, there's nothing wrong with that either!
I read the above article about dating. I wholeheartedly agree with everything that is said. I've been noticing more and more the moral decline in all the dating sites and men and wemon in general. I am a attractive late 50s woman well groomed and athletic. They seem to want someone who will cookclean, and then shut up and lay down for them.
Not this girl omg how the dating world has changed. Some women are so angry at men that even a simple hello can illicit an extreme and overblown negative reaction. They may be few, but I can't tell them from the others can you? Compliments are now called "Objectification. I don't even know how to respond to this, it's just plain stupid.
That would not dating anymore that necessary. interesting
Why should they? Seriously what century do you live in? What do you think a date is? It's literally that a date, a time when you meet. You are thinking of an event. Down in the thread you denied that women can be sexist just as blacks cannot be racists. Here is the REAL definition of racist:. Does the fact that America not ascribe to Christian doctrines as a matter of law, negate my beliefs in Christianity? Are you saying, because I don't have power over society, I cannot be Christian?
Because that is exactly what you are saying about racism. I can be a racist because I am white and according to you, by saying blacks cannot be racists it must be so that, whites have power over society.
Thus only whites can be racists. But if I were black, I can't be racists according to you, because I don't have power over society and by this same logic, I cannot be Christian either because as a Christian I don't have power over society. And we well know that being a Christian is to ascribe to community values that are indeed projected upon society. If you don't believe that, then just ask any blue haired feminazi what she thinks about Christianity.
So as a black man, I can neither be racist or a Christian because I have no power to effect either upon society. So clearly, by your definition of racism, only those that can force their beliefs on other people Everyone else without power, have no beliefs. This is the absolute dumbest argument in history. Of course blacks can be racists. If you don't believe me, just find the porn site Blacks on Blonds where big black d!
Racist misogyny at its darkest. So YES If a man has an expectation of a woman he is attacked mercilessly by women, universities, women's groups and the media. Men are supposed to let women do whatever they want and be happy about it.
Men are NOT to expect anything from a woman that a woman does not want to give. So women should think about men the same exact way. If men want to be liberated from the costs and risks of dating, then women should accept the new reality and move on. Stop badgering men with your sexist arguments about how men owe you cash and prizes for the honor of giving you attention.
Forget about it. The very idea that you are upset that men are fed up with dating is nothing but sexist, hateful misandry. And we men are done with the abuse.
We don't owe you a thing. You don't owe us sex and we don't owe you attention, courtship and free stuff. Dating is an OLD paradigm that has no place in the modern world. Courtship died like a years ago, just as arranged marriages before it. So too, shall dating vanish. Wooing women is stupid and old fashioned and sexist. The very idea of a gentleman is sexists. There is no such thing anymore as a "gentleman". There are only people who identify as men and they may have as many different variations of "maleness" as can be created in the imagination.
Men and women as ideas don't exist anymore. So men, who feel like men can redefine what a man is, that suits his interest. Not society's interest, and especially not women's interest. And we are just starting to leave the plantation of male servitude to women.
MGTOW is growing and men everywhere in the world are leaving and we are not coming back. Sure we will bang you from time to time. But you can forget about marriage and living with us.
Only simps will go that far.
As the word spreads that it is okay to define ourselves just as women and transsexuals and gays define themselves Now, I am going to go spend the next 8 hours playing Xbox and finish by watching porn where I will get much more reward for my time, than I EVER would simping to some woman in the desperate hope she will give me sex.
A lot of men who engage in it are un or under employed, have poor social skills, are unattractive physically and mentally and have a dog eat dog mentality Like what?
More debt? More divorces? More whining?
Consider, not dating anymore this
More entitlement? More man-bashing? Certainly not more cooking, cleaning, caring for men or children. Why do you even think a man needs a woman's income? When a man let's a woman into his life She takes the majority of his income for herself, runs up the household debt and leaves him holding the bills when she divorces him and takes the kids.
Except sex. And a man can get more sex from women he sees, than a woman he marries. The idea that men are unhappy with women today because men are "losers" as you describe them, is utterly sexist and laughably dismissive. As if to say, only well adjusted men with great jobs and a healthy acceptance of all women's BS is normal. Listen bud, you know next to jack crap. It is the precisely the "alpha" men who are doing all the vagina busting in this world and they rarely bother dating.
The women are so nasty and hypergamist, they are throwing their panties at them. You must be the most unobservant white knight here. How is it, that you cannot see this?
All I want to know is why is the internet saturated with whining females all complaining that they don't have men killing themselves for the "privilege" of taking them out and wasting money on them. That is number one. The word "slut" is an understatement for today's female.
They are given special protections and privileges in all things. You project a never ending sense of entitlement. This article being a prime example. We don't owe you anything. Next, your politics SUCK.
Liberal women suck. I'm sick of being told how much I owe to everyone else. You want to give your country up to an invasion, be my guest, but don't ask me to sit by your side as you complain about how you want to move to a better that's code for "whiter" school district forcing me to spend an extra k to k so your little ungrateful spawn can have more white kids to play with, while you virtue signal to all your friends how "liberal" and awesome you are.
Women are disgusting hypocrites who by the way are the most responsible for the devastation to the environment and abuse of worker's rights world wide as women spend the majority of all income on CRAP made by salves in countries that poison the planet.
Women are the most entitled, non-introspective monsters who have taken the role of men from men, but demand men be men, so long as men understand they are equal, but only in power, not in responsibility, especially financially. It isn't Princess. And the final rub, you get to get away with saying the most sexist crap like "man up" to men. What does that even mean? It is soooo stupid. There is no such thing anymore. Women have left the kitchen. Our job to take care of you and protect you is OVER.
Time to move on ladies. This is what equality looks like. You are our competition now. You are just like other men to us, but much much worse in every single way. At the end of the day, you are annoying, ungrateful users who walk this earth with a chip on your shoulder and an ego that could cut glass.
Get over yourselves, go to work and shut the hell up. Be grateful men even still want to have sex with you. And that is getting to be very not worth it as well. MGTOW forever!!!!! They don't make the type of man you are describing anymore. Only very few left. It's called old school with class, such as High quality; admirable style; cachet.
I would go back with you but we can't so we just have to make the best with the present and then who knows what future brings? You sound like the type of women I avoid. Needy, high maintenance and self absorbed with no ability to question your own psyche, which is why you continue to be a low quality prospect with no critical thinking skills or independence. If you women are going to spend so much time in front of the mirror then I'd suggest putting down the lipstick and asking your reflection why you feel the need to cover the real you.
You might start making some progress on your personalities. This article is dead on!
I am so happy that I'm not the only woman out there who is disappointed by all these lazy daters. Men need to pick up the phone and call - you cannot get to know a person through text!! I recently dated a man who so afraid of rejection, he ruined the chances of us ever getting close and blooming into something.
Grow up Peter Pan's!!! I'm sorry that's how you feel. However, I believe there is someone out there for everyone who wants to couple up. As a very shy and introverted guy, I never ask women out - and never will - because rejection is always guaranteed. Hmmm, I do those things for my female friends.
I am just not interested in marrying or having sex. I prefer to live a celibate life because in that way I am in more control of my life. I also prefer women as non sexual friends as opposed to lovers because then they truly like me for who I am and they don't try to control me. They treat me with more respect than they treat their boyfriends; and I give them love and advice, just not via sex.
Getting over my sexual urges was like getting out of jail for me.
I don't dare go back to that world, sorry ladies. Here's my very humble opinion: even when women make the first move, eventually they lose respect. Whether it's on the first date or much later during an eventual relationship when the guy has adhered to the pace of her making all the first moves and decisions.
So, your intuition is most likely correct. I think the the best way for a guy to handle being asked out by a woman is to, if he is truly interested in her, tell her nicely that he would prefer to do the asking, and then ask That's my two cents on this subject.
Also, I suggest you avoid all rude women and guess what, all women aren't rude. Good luck out there! Hmm, waiting to be asked out again or do it myself? Well, as a guy who usually does the approaching it was quite flattering to be asked out first time ever! In my twenties women who weren't interested in your advances would mostly let you down gently whereas women nowadays, especially if in a group seem to delight in rejecting men in the most embarrassing way possible. Its certainly not all or nothing.
I bought dinners and gifts for no special occasion for my last boyfriend. In fact, I paid for one of our first dates! I promise, all women are not like that, or most even.
Keep dating and be thankful that woman showed you who she was early on. Question: will you be waiting to be asked out again, or will you be doing the asking now? Thank you for responding, Elaine. While I have never been affected negatively at a personal level by expressing interest in a woman I find attractive I've never been on a date because I've never asked a woman outI have heard this happens a lot from friends and others.
I wish I could find the elusive 'good woman' you refer to, but am almost certain it will never happen. I believe what you're saying, but it's so hard. Because women outnumber men, therefore having a hard time finding a good man, it's hard to believe that men have that same struggle.
But too many men say it for it not to be true. Sad times we're living in. Thanks for the comment. You certainly make several good points. Things may not differ as much as you think from Norway to the US, the article is based on how things used to be. The problem here now is that some men have become bitter because of the way things used to be.
And now when women make too many first moves, it sets the pace for the developing relationship and that can ultimately be emasculating for a man. Those are my thoughts Thank you so much for posting and your input! I am a woman, but I am just thinking loud on behalf of the men here. If I was expected to initiate every single date I went on, and even pay for every expense gifts and all then all these dates, that may or may not turn out well, it would end up being quite costly to maintain, right?
I do support the idea of showing a clear initiative, maybe pick up the phone instead of text, plan the date a bit in advance. On that note, I think the initiative could also be made by women? I would not need my dates to take place at expensive dining places. What about preparing an inexpensive homemade meal? Meeting at a quiet cafe? Going for a swim in the summer? As long as you want to do it together, is that not the point?
I think dates should be about getting to know each other, and show some genuine interest in the person you asked out, no matter who made the initiative. I am older than my BF and I say to him, you cvould go out with women younger than me and he just laughs. He says you look at a woman the wrong way and you are supposedly raping them, gone are the days he says when you send over a drink because most probably she will come over and pour it over you. It may have to do with where we commonly go to meet guys; instead of the club or a bar, may the book store, for example If I date i want to date,not be treated like an object.
Guys nowadays do way less and expect way more. Most men ask for sex on the first date. For all the talk about men wanting love, many prioritize the sex! I've maybe had one guy, just one, who put sex on hold to get to know women. Okay, before I laugh at that last line, let me comment on your perspective. I don't doubt what you're saying but I certainly find it startling. But, surely for every woman you've discovered like the one you characterized, there MUST be at least three who are interested in having a guy like you take them out.
That whole scenario I find sad and disturbing. Maybe search in a better pool of women I suggest.
The one thing I find is that it seems women don't know how to be courted this way anymore. I'm 33 and all of your stuff seems normal for a date, but women just arent into one on one dates anymore. At least not from the outset. I brought a flower on a date before. My date awkwardly accepted it but later told her friend, whom I work with, that "he gave me a flower thinking I'd sleep with him on the first date". That was not even my intention at all.
Sleeping together wasn't even on my mind.
Unfortunately, going on a one on one first date makes women think you're trying to get "laid" the same night. Seems women today dont even want one-on-one dates. They want group dates. They dont want the "gentlemen" experience either. They want to be friends with the guy first. They want the benjamingaleschreck.com and have fun experience, not necessarily the one on one dating experience with a true gentleman.
To put it into perspective, this is also the generation that wears pajamas as outerwear I read this list and the last one about men being sensitive is not the issue. The fact is no guy wants to jump through hoops and so forth. I haven't dated since and I refuse to date western society women. The fact it's become work and really unpleasant. Thank you for the post.
I miss the old dating scene and real dates too. I guess I'm expected to just hang out for what seems like an endless time and impress the guy while he makes no effort. This I won't do. This new style of dating is too exhausting. Well, I neither drink nor smoke, and I do not go to bars or clubs. Loud music gives me a headache and I much prefer hunting, fishing, hiking or putting in my normal 16 hour work day. Most of these "tips" are amusing, but not much else.
Thank you so much for your post. Yes, it was long, but well worth the read. I hope you continue to work on your confidence and get out in search for love more often. Your intelligence and kind heart convince me you deserve it.
It feels like your confidence is a mirror, and someone is throwing stones at it all day long! I'm a mids old male, and have currently been single my whole life. I'd have to say that after reading a lot of comments in this article, I was somewhat surprised, but not entirely, at the anger and bitterness expressed by many men, or women, and various other reactions.
Think, that not dating anymore for that
I myself have been a victim of having been "played around with" by women and once, even lost a close male friend because of a Greek tragedy style adventure I have also been rejected several times, but the problem with the pain associated with the rejection was the lack of clarity beforehand, or "friendship treason".
I have already handled a straight forward rejection with a friend whom I fell in love with 1 year after knowing her, and have remained close friends as it was handled properly. Partly to blame, maybe, is a chronic mental disease that I was carrying around with me for 8 or 9 years un-diagnosed, as well as my field of education and work STEM, male dominated area.
Now that I've finished with my education, and have gone into a line of work I enjoy, as well as had my underlying medical condition diagnosed and under control, I do feel more comfortable with myself, but I have to watch my stress levels and deal with paying the bills and living life on a regular basis - it leaves you little time with to invest into dating. One of the problems with modern day society is that it's incredibly competitive more so when you have to deal with lifelong, chronic mental disease, which is a rising issue in the western world - I manage to make the ends meet somehow and do have a stable life at the moment.
Men and women are under so much pressure, especially the younger people today who are just beginning their careers! In my case, I know there is a non-negligible chance that stress could send me back to a psychiatric ward.
This does lead me to speculate about stress levels involved when an intimate relationship ends poorly - I must avoid things like that which may trigger the condition to reassert itself, even though medication! And as much as I hate to admit it, for some women, mental disease is a big no-go.
To be honest, I've somewhat given up on actively searching for any sort of intimate, romantic relationship, though rarely a do have a day or so when I change my mind. I'm the only person in my friends group that hasn't ever had any sort of relationship, short of just being a doormat or the very temporary rebound guy - ever though I have learned to stop that happening.
I am working on confidence as well. I don't however generalize women as one whole group of mean persons and am aware that maybe of just had a couple of bad experiences.
To further this point, I consider myself lucky, that I have many friends, both male and female, and do appreciate that many of these friendships are of a relatively deep level, and I do go above and beyond the call of duty when I can for my friends, so I am not alone. It does give me some sense of purpose and intimacy which is somewhat fulfilling. The major problem I believe in today's society contempt for romance or rather, the trend in that direction neither completely stems from women nor men.
It's more of a deep-rooted societal crisis, which I believe, is caused in part by BOTH men and women, mainly by what I see as a lack of maturity, in today's ever more consumerist and narcissistic and "laissez-faire, everything goes! And on top of that, there is some institutional bias which helps neither side pay gaps, gender issues in professional environments All of these evolving social phenomena have completely trashed standard, classical social norms of society, intimate relationships included, and we are lost in a sea of self-doubt, division, and growing hatred of one another.
There is no single fault or cause, except for society as a whole organism. Of course not every human is like this, but it is a growing problem.
Social Darwinism on a great scale will take its course: if men and women no longer fall in love and under a societal model, and if society fails to correct itself, then the society will eventually fall apart or become so dysfunctional very extreme auto-corrective measures eg war or dystopia will be taken. Otherwise things may fall back into order. Most of these have to do with the fact that these gestures are not necessary, and will either be used up on women who are playing a numbers game, or are not actually interested in dating more than casually.
If you transported a guy who did all of these things from the 's, he would get chewed up and spit out by the dating scene today. Men don't have endless resources for game-playing.
They see guys being successful at wooing women with Skittles, so they woo women with Skittles. Women have become desperate, therefore tainted the dating pool. It's good to know there are guys out there still waiting on a good woman and willing to truly love her. I'm laughing at some of what you said, but you certainly have some golden nuggets in here. Yes, women have a bad habit myself included of trying to turn a man into what we want.
None of us are perfect, we just have to hook up with someone whose faults we can live with it and find someone who can live with our's. We can't turn back the clock, you're right about that.
And honestly, we shouldn't want to but it's difficult watching things change so drastically. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! Most of us guys don't want to be fixed, molded nor changed.
Are Koreans Really Not Dating Anymore? - ASIAN BOSS
I hear it from female friends, family members and coworkers. That is a huge problem for us guys! I would think that any woman wouldn't appreciate it if every guy was pushing openly or softly to change? I can hear the yelling now and see the eye stare burning into any guy that would go there. Yet women routinely will do this to guys. No one should like to have someone tell them how to be, what to eat, wear, etc. That's wrong on a human level.
As for buying a woman a drink, that's up to the individual guy. I stopped that long ago. Many women expect it and don't appreciate it but will get frustrated when it is not automatically given. Most of us guys are not women haters anymore than I think most women are not men haters.
You not dating anymore think
Social norms have changed. Women wore dresses that covered them from neck to toes.
It was not-womanly to show ankles nor legs. Thankfully we have progressed. Women's place was in the home, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the men when they got home from work.
Do we want to go back to that? I can hear my mother, sister and females everywhere cursing and ready to fight not to go back to that! In our current day society, most everyone has to produce an income on their own. Single, married, living together. One income is not even close to live off of unless you're ok being either homeless or one paycheck away from homeless. Women and men can perform any job that is available. Doctor, fire person, police, construction, engineer, politician, CEO, sales leader.
Any job, any career opportunities are able to be performed by both genders. Some tasks may be performed better by one or the other. A guy working a physical job such as carrying office furniture may be able to carry more weight but there are hand trucks, wheeled pallets to help as well.
Feminism is what it is. Both positive and negative. The economics of many western countries is what it is. Also both positive and negative. We can not turn back time. Men nor Women can cherry pick what they want to keep and what the want to bring back in today's time.
We keep trying, hoping, praying, blogging but it can't be done or it would have been by now. Take care of yourself. Help to take care of your family members. Each of us can have a fulfilling live if we could focus on less and put more of our energies in a few priorities.
Yes, I agree. It is sad that many women are as you've described. But I believe that there are plenty of good ones out there too. You just have to know where to find them. It is very unfortunate that the women of today have really changed for the worst of all too since they certainly have no respect for many of us good men these days at all.
Mar 03, She ain't his girlfriend. Ariana Grande and Mikey Foster are "not dating anymore" after first being linked in August Celebrity Splits of Grande, 26, Author: Meredith Nardino. Jun 24, General Decision Not to Date Anymore. It seems that enough people decide not to date at a certain point in their lives to make it 'normal.'. There is both tragedy and freedom in this. The tragedy comes when the decision not to date is based on the fear of further hurt Reviews: No one wants to pace themselves dating try something real. A string of disappointing dates can make you dating to stop men so dating or even trying. Even result? Standards are disappearing. See how little effort someone has to make? Gone are the days not real dating. Soon, guys get the idea that no one wants the real dates anyway. Dating is expensive.
Very troubled women nowadays that are everywhere now with a rotten personality to go along with it. Very difficult for many of us men trying to start a conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet since most of these women are so very extremely dangerous nowadays.
And there are many of us good men that would really know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect which they just don't give us men a chance at all which very much explains why many of us men are still single today.
Women are quite different today from the past since most of the women years ago were the very complete opposite of what these women are today since most of them now are just so very horrible to meet now altogether.
I am very shocked how the women of today really are now especially with all of these reality TV shows that they have on as well as social media that has really corrupted many of the women of today since it is all about them now as well unfortunately.
Not dating anymore
It is very obvious to me that many of us men are just too good for these type of women anyway since many of us men have been hurt very badly already at one time having our wife cheating on us. And many of us men were the very faithful ones from the very beginning to the very end when we were married at one time.
I am so serious when I ask this question: where in the world are you and obviously many others who've posted here finding these horrible women that you describe? Seriously, where? I know there are some bad choices for women, as well as there are for men. I realize that I am from a much earlier generation but even the younger women that I know, just don't behave in this manner. But you mention these women as if that is all you're finding out there. That is startling to me. I seriously hope you answer the question.
BTW, thanks for the comment. Thank you for your comment. If you're a single womanmore than anyone else, you live under constant pressure to justify your life and your choices.
People are perplexed whenever a woman is not in the state of perpetually wanting love and companionship; women are the people to whom "constantly in need of someone else" has been eternally ascribed, and it feels like no one quite knows how to process a woman's existence if her life doesn't revolve around a relationship status.
But the reality here is that " being in a relationship " is not synonymous with "being loved and cared for. Being involved with another person means hard work that doesn't always get reciprocated.
It means compromise that, for some people at certain points in their life, isn't always worth it in the end. Dating is simply not something that everybody wants to do-and nobody should have to justify not wanting to do it.
The default excuse that people who aren't interested in dating pull out to ward off people who want to comment on their dating status or rather, lack thereof tends to be the same: "I'm focusing on my career right now.
So for anybody looking for a little bit of affirmation or resolve, here are some perfectly good reasons you might be choosing to hold off on pursuing romantic things right now-and why that's totally, perfectly OK. What most people don't understand is that you aren't opting out of relationships right now because you hate them. It's the opposite actually: When you DO get into a relationship, you want to do it perfectly. You want to be a great partner to someone.
Part of that means taking their needs and wants into consideration when making decision, which is just something you aren't interested in doing right now. You want to move where you want, do what you want with your weekends, not be obligated to someone else's obligations. And that's fine.
How many people are doing that, but are in relationships at the same time, thus hurting people with their desire to self-direct? That's selfish. There's nothing wrong with wanting autonomy in your existence. There's nothing wrong with insisting that you have it, either. They all require work, but not all of them have a real, effective payout. They don't all end in happy, monogamous bliss if that's what you wantor with a loving partner who respects you.
Being particular about who you devote your time and mental space to is more logical than settling for a relationship that doesn't give you what you actually need and want. At the end of the day. You just aren't interested in being in a relationship that isn't totally right for you. Whether it's casual or committed, dating is not always the fun, exciting time everyone would have you think it is.
Being on your own, and taking real time to be by yourself, wherein you explore your options and find yourself, can be infinitely more fun in addition to all the other ways it's rewarding. Too often, people date just because they think they should, or they think it will be fun when it's more stressful and anxiety-inducing than not. Dating and being in a relationship takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice, and to be honest real, it's not always worth it.
Especially when it takes a major sacrifice to even determine whether or not the relationship will get anywhere. When there's no guarantee that giving up your job or friends or rent-controlled apartment for a "eh, maybe, we'll see how it goes" will be worth it in the end, it seems like erring on the safer side of a calculated risk is more than okay it's probably smarter. This could be the first, last and only chance you have to be completely committed to yourself.
Choosing yourself is not selfish-it's deciding to take yourself up on the opportunity to really know who you are and get yourself established on the trajectory you want to be on. The best way to end up with someone who wants the same things as you, with whom you're more likely to stay on the same life wavelength with, is to take the time alone to get yourself already started on the path you want to take.
Once you're there, it might be a better time to look up and see who's around you, headed in the same direction.
Maybe you aren't dating right now because you don't know any people you want to date, and you have no interest in dating strangers. In the age of Tinder, it's almost unheard of for people to not just magically be comfortable with the idea of hanging out with total strangers, but a lot of people just And that's completely fine.