In the New York Times , Susan Dominus explored the concept of open marriages, something more and more people are doing, but don't necessarily feel comfortable talking about. Here are some of the misconceptions she breaks down in the course of her enlightening article. Open relationships can mean many things, arrangement-wise. This can include one-night stands with people outside the marriage or even ongoing relationships. Sometimes the husband meets the wife's boyfriend; sometimes they don't.
Couples adopt varying rules for such arrangements: out-of-town liaisons only, for instance, or no seeing the same person more than twice.
We would grant each other privacy. Our relationship was warm and affectionate, but not particularly romantic. The sex was fun, but less adventurous than the kind I had at home, which reminded me anew that my husband was great in bed.
I liked discovering a new person, and seeing myself through new eyes. We usually met in the afternoons, when John assumed I was at work, so I never had to make up a cover story - just shower at the hotel, get home around 6pm, and go about my evening as normal.
Still, I valued it and, having known my lover for years, I trusted him.
But he was calm and unsurprised. Still, the affair and its aftermath shook us. And a funny thing happened through those difficult talks: we got even closer, and more comfortable with our openness, not less.
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Given the tumult it had caused, I thought John might demand we end the experiment and was fully prepared to agree in the interest of putting our marriage first. But to my surprise, he argued for keeping it - and not because he had side action going on.
But so far, transparency and introspection had only made for a more intimate partnership. My biggest learning from that first, disastrous relationship was that I was a human being, not a character in a French film. But I would still be vulnerable to hurt, and maybe that was as it should be.
What If He's Asking For An Open Relationship?
Sobriety had given me my emotions back. I should use them.
May 14, The myth of an open marriage: Writer Olivia Fane and her first husband thought allowing each other to have affairs was the secret of a happy modern relationship.
Given the explosive way it ended, for ages I swore my first liaison would also be my last, which made John laugh. Not a chance, I responded, and I meant it.
Knowing we can talk about anything and honouring our individuality as well as our couplehood has made us feel solid to a whole new degree.
For me, opening our relationship has deepened my commitment to my husband, and it has helped me confront my insecurities. Somehow, seeing that my husband has the option to be with anyone he wants but still chooses to make a life with me has helped me realize how much he loves me. We got married right out of college, and while we do still love each other, there is that sexual ct that died years ago.
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For us, the other partners are just about sex. I worry that he might fall in love with someone else even though we agreed it was just to satisfy our sexual urges.
We are also careful about what we say in front of the children. We decided not to share details about who we were meeting and what we were doing with each other, but would be transparent if one of us had questions.
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I was the one who convinced my boyfriend of eight years that we should try it. We were both very into our careers at the time, and it was very hard for both of us to prioritize our relationship.
I found myself spending more time interrogating him about the girls he was seeing than I ever did working on our own relationship. I had a single one-night stand, and I felt awful about it. Open relationships can mean many things, arrangement-wise.
This can include one-night stands with people outside the marriage or even ongoing relationships. Sometimes the husband meets the wife's boyfriend; sometimes they don't.
Every open marriage's rules are different. Technology is making open marriages easier. Open marriages are experiencing a surge, largely because online technology makes it so much easier.
Websites like OkCupid make finding new partners easier than ever, and even Facebook has the option to mark yourself in an open relationship. People in open marriages are still judged.
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As Dominus pointed out in her article, open relationships aren't exactly celebrated in our culture. Many of the people she interviewed for her article didn't give their full names, stating that they feared judgment and possible job loss.
However, some people in open marriages are really, well, open about it. Zaeli and her husband, Joe, even have friends who refer potential new partners to them.
Zaeli also developed a business, working with other polyamorous people to help them find the right balance in their relationships.