I have an academia related question for you. I graduated from a small liberal arts college in May I enjoyed my time there immensely. I was able to form some awesome relationships with my professors and some administrators most of whom were my bosses for part-time jobs or internship supervisors. Or do they just say that to make you feel better as you leave the comfort of the college bubble? Question 2: If they do really want to keep in touch, what are some appropriate, non-awkward ways to do that? Is there some sort of script that could work in this situation?
Most rules do not specify whether it is acceptable to date after the student is no longer a student in the professor's class. Generally, most students have no interest in dating one of their professors. For most students, professors are authority figures who are considered off-limits sexually. If you insist on dating your professor, it is best to wait until you have graduated from school. Mar 23, Wait until the semester is over. Most schools have policies against professors dating students, and they are strictest when it comes to students they are actually teaching. To avoid unnecessary headaches for both of you, don't act on your feelings until the semester is over. Your best bet is really to wait until you have benjamingaleschreck.com: K. May 22, And even though most other colleges and universities ban student-faculty dating where a supervisory relationships exists, virtually no institution requires professors to wait any length of time before dating former students. Platt has said that she waited .
If reciprocity is not happening, just like in any other relationship, take the hint and let it drop. Sometimes keeping in touch will get you that one recommendation letter that you need that one time and good memories of a class where you learned stuff. So if something happened in your life that was affected by what you learned, explaining that is always appreciated. In fact, academic CVs have an entire section in which a professor enumerates in details the current professional position and status of her grad students and post-doctoral trainees.
So ates on this kind of information are greatly appreciated. As far as I am aware, this is universal in academia. How successful were the people that you trained is an important metric of academic success.
Professor dating student after graduation
Not just a USA thing. I do not have as much contact with universities in Africa or South America, but I imagine it would be about the same there. There were plenty of other good reasons for the switch like changes in my topic focusbut he made it clear that he expected his students to get famous in order to enhance his own prestige.
That really surprises me. Normal, well adjusted people have developed good relationships with some of the young people they have run across as part of their functions. I think 2 may be dependent on the field. Spot on.
It really warms the icy shards of my heart to know not only that students liked me, personally, but also that they are still using what they learned in my class. Perfect advice. It can get depressing to have a new raft of ever-young strangers come in every year, and disappear again.
Continuing contact is lovely, especially when we get to see you grow and develop in your career.
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Yeah, one thing to be prepared for is that your relationship with any former teacher changes dramatically upon graduation. This is pretty much perfect. I love hearing from former students about how what we did in class has affected their life. My favorite alum correspondent occasionally emails me links to articles or books he has run across that reminded him of things we did in class.
But lots of small talk or contact for the sake of contact is not as appealing. Yeah, the Facebook thing varies widely even within institutions and as the Captain said, between institutions in terms of school rules.
This makes it easy for us to share fieldwork pictures and research-related tidbits, for me to help them network with colleagues when they are doing research with me, and for them to find and participate in the department group page. I share subject-related links both on my own wall and on the department page. So Facebook is part of my work network, and I keep that network pretty much totally separate from the social side of the site.
I also do not have anything more scandalous than some old pictures of me with friends holding drinks, and links demonstrating political opinions, should the privacy settings fail; YMMV. I also think everything else the Captain said is awesome, as usual. Oh, I should add that I also still occasionally like every couple years contact that undergrad advisor-to ask him for feedback on teaching ideas for classes we both teach.
I did not attempt to Facebook any professors until after I graduated. I think being a current student and Facebook friends would be awkward. But now that I have graduated I email four former professors a couple times a year, and I am facebook friends with two of them. Hope that makes sense. I enjoy hearing back from former students, and Facebook is the usual way for me to get those ates. I teach undergraduate playwriting and screenwriting, and I can tell you I most certainly mean it when I ask students to keep in touch.
And that Captain A gives great advice, very much in line with my expectations of further contact. I love hearing from former students about any writing-related activities, or new jobs in the field, or further education.
Also love getting and answering questions about writing though like the Captain, I bluntly turn down requests to read lengthy work. If I do write a rec, it makes me really happy when the student lets me know if they got into the program or not.
And personal ates are fine, too, if we connected that way during school. I ated all of them as I began to hear back about interview invitations, as well as program acceptances, and I also ated them all on my final decision. As a teacher, I love hearing from and bumping into former students.
What bothers me is when students ask for favors and then do not thank me! So my question now is: is it too late? Send a thank you card. I hope you are well. Thank-you cards are the best. Which took me waaaay too long due to unmedicated depression and panic attacks. I performed a large number of agoraphobic disappearing acts mid-semester, which I sometimes recovered from and sometimes just stayed away and failed the hell out of my classes.
Will keep this in mind for my continuing education classes if things go south, although so far so good. It happens every term, in almost every class of every size; and the rest of the class is usually totally unaware. And we work with so many students every term, and are faced with so many new ones every year, that there is no way to keep a catalog in your head of All The Bad Students so you can glare at them in the halls.
None of mine ever checked up on me, that I know of. I was also totally also a gift-giver to advisors and really important mentors. Even a late follow-up is fine; I just care about what happens.
Getting a written note or post-card from a student after a class is over is great. You handled asking for recommendation letters perfectly - several months lead time, current CV, etc. For any students out there thinking about asking for letters of recommendation, do it that way. Writing such letters is part of my job. But years later, I did need to contact one person professionally, and found that A I was remembered B fondly and C this was followed by productive professional relationship.
Another person wound up being considered for a tenured position difft uniand gave me as a former student who would provide feedback, so I was contacted by the Dept and asked if I would send in an evaluation - I did, it was favorable, and they were hired, and I got a very nice thank you in my turn.
At the very least, it marks you as a person with good manners. I agree with the advice, but let me add something: once you are no longer a student at my school, I tend to forget you existed, unless you made an especially good or bad impression.
The thing is, there are always new students coming at me. I only have so much time and energy, and the bulk of it belongs to current students. Contact with former students should be non-intrusive and to the point. I have no problem with writing references. On the other hand, you have my mother, who is a professor at a liberal arts college and loves hearing from former students.
At least the ones she liked. Not like this is something her life centers around, but she certainly enjoys it and takes satisfaction in knowing that the people she thought were interesting as undergrads are doing interesting things with their lives.
I pretty much muddled along doing my own thing and checking occasionally with the advisor.
If I had been interested in academia, I suppose my graduate advisor might have taken more of an interest in my future plans, and I would have been more interested in fostering an ongoing connection. If I was visiting the area and had time to go to campus, I would drop by to say hello to 2 or 3 faculty. Mostly in my 20s when I wandered around the country a lot.
Some of those could have turned into friendships.
One professor did invite me on a whitewater expedition between my freshman and sophomore years, which sounded like a fantastic holiday, but that was my summer from hell when I was taking an intensive organic chemistry class and desperately trying to find work to cover my living expenses over the summer and trying to be a responsible adult. It goes with not knowing how to ask for help in the first place. I have totally dropped back in to chat about a further topic related to their subject-plus-coffee, and I know I would be welcome to do it again.
Dating a student is a professional breach of trust, and one that adversely effects the integrity of the entire educational institution. There is more, too. As Professor X notes, a professor has a potential teacher-student relationship with all students at a university, not just those in his or her classes. A teacher always has superior power over any student by virtue of his or her position of authority, and it is an abuse of that power to use it to entice students into dates or bed.
Will the professor consciously or subconsciously be easier on the friends of his student lover if they are in his class?
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The fact that the question can be asked shows that the situation should not occur where it can be asked.
Students, all students, must be off-limits as romantic partners for professors and administrators in universities, regardless of what rules are in place. Professors who date students risk their jobs because a student body is not their sexual smorgasbord, and it is a breach of trust and duty to treat it like one. Good article. But those for the scholastic profession alone are especially saddening, as they now extend well beyond young adults in college.
All the way to primary schools, in fact. If anything, the professional standards of school teachers should be the most closely scrutinized, as actual children are the potential prey. There is a generational difference on this topic. It was not apparently considered improper to date students or former students in the past. It is a very good thing that this practice is gone at least the acceptance of it is. I can imagine the horrible atmosphere that it created. I have heard it creates a terrible burden for female students in the graduate areas where it is still unofficially accepted.
When I was in college, one of the college stars, poet William Alfred, was famously married to a much younger former student of his. I have to admit, even waaaaay back then, it seemed wrong to me. I was obviously born a fuddyduddy.
But this is a good example of where ethical consciousness has improved. Ok So I am sort of in the same boat the thing is. Is this still a problem? Now, if this was a pattern with the professor, if he habitually used his classes to pick out his next girl friend, I would say that was unethical.
So go for it! Academics are notorious to have a false sense of reality. They basically live in a commune. Of course, your article poses an argument against having a REAL relationship with a student because of the drug-like feelings of infatuation. Some faculty love having one after the other and if that means having an anonymous sexual encounter with a stranger on campus, the hotter it feels and the harder the risks.
Aug 29, On the other hand, you have my mother, who is a professor at a liberal arts college and loves hearing from former students. At least the ones she liked. She'll tell me what they're up to years after graduation, get together with them if they are in her town or she is in theirs, etc. Apr 24, Cameron Platt, 25, who was a star student at the Ivy League university and just finished her master's degree at the University of Oxford, recently gushed on Facebook in a Author: Gabrielle Fonrouge. Feb 11, As a student, you can date any professor willing to date you; at least at all schools I've been at, the rules would not punish you (but may punish them). As a graduate, I've never heard of a school attempting to limit grads from dating their former professors, but if it's recent, yeah, people will assume that you're going public with something that likely violated the rules (or at least violated .
It is ridicules. There are many spins on ethics: hedonistic, utilitarian, etc. Just because YOU say it is wrong, it does not mean that it is wrong. It is not about being wrong, it is about being challenging, advantageous and pleasurable.
Thinking cannot be substituted with objective benchmarks of any standard. Outside the classroom, you are no longer a slave on duty. No matter what attitude you choose to exercise in whatever place you stand, you are ALWAYS a possibly normal, possibly reproductive, possibly loving and caring human being.
And your name and e-mail IS my business, assholebecause you comment here by my leave, on conditions set by me. I like my professor, a lot actually and I think he likes me too. I only have him for one class and then I graduate next semester. I dont think that it is an ethical problem if I test him after the grades are in to make sure its what I think it is I really really like him and I wish I met him at the grocery store or somewhere else but the chances of meeting someone in my field in the right age im 26 hes mid 30 thats not married are so slim that I am not going to let this opportunity go because hes a professor.
God- I cant wait til the end of the semester. This page was very helpful for me. I am not wanting an intimate relationship so much as to know my professor. Is it still wrong? This professor whose 30 actually spent months in China and has a great interest in the Chinese culture.
Excellent idea professor dating student after graduation think, that you
This really struck me as a Chinese so I have grown really interseted in him. We have spend hour time talking in his office about his trip to my home country and it seems we have ALOT in common in terms of cultural values and interest in China. My dillema right now is, since this will be my last class with him, after the grades are turned in for his class and the semester ends. Should I ask him out to get to know him better? OR just forget the whole thing?
JH: my answer is different for you than for your professor. Is it wrong for a student, after the class, after the semester, to open the door? Only in the sense that such an overture is arguably inducing, or attempting to induce, a professional to violate an ethical principle. I am a clinical instructor at Uni, no PhD, and have developed a friendship with a student. In the course of the semester we have both become single, and we get along really well.
At first glance, my professor appears to be just another 20 something year old college student, yet in actuality, he is 33 years old and recently obtained his PhD.
Was specially professor dating student after graduation apologise
When I met him, thinking he was a student, I felt an instant attraction. That is, I just wanted to get to know him. Often, our conversations drift from academic matters concerning the particular subject, to more recreational topics.
He is unmarried and a very attractive young man. I find one of my current professors, who is the same age as me, very attractive. I wanted to wait until we are given our final grade to tell him. He seems like a very ethical person anyway, so I just want to avoid any inappropriateness.
Also, I have no issues with power difference. I see him more as a peer, although a much more intelligent one. Excellent article! Kept me from doing something I would regret I think. Better not to risk it! I like my teacher. When I met her I thought she was just another student.
Turns out she was going to be teaching me. There are other women my age, after all. Thank you very, very much. Wow, this article is so judgmental!! There is nothing concrete here about real ethics, except the hypothesis that the professor would influence third-party grades.
The rest of the arguments are about perception or power differences. Well, what would people think if you dated someone who was of the same sex or a different race, income, nationality, or age? There could be power imbalances there. Your arguments are based on prejudice.
Depends on the college or university. Some schools are indifferent on this point, and some schools consider it a firing offense for a professor to date a student. One must simply as the proper administrative personnel what the school policy is. Dec 28, A professor dating a student at another school is not a conflict and is as ethical as if the person was not a student at all. Dating an ex-student comes close to or crosses the ethics line. But ick factor is irrelevent for current students- that we know is already unethical. I addressing the question of if after graduation is the ban lifted. Apr 26, As Professor X notes, a professor has a potential teacher-student relationship with all students at a university, not just those in his or her classes. Dating a student who happens not to be in one of those classes is what lawyers call "a distinction without a difference.".
Shame on you! Think harder about what you are saying, mind your own business, and let people love who they love. You get a D- D. This, to someone who has a clue, makes it very clear what the ethical stakes are.
The post is about abuse of trust, abuse of power, conflicts of interest, appearances of impropriety, fairness. I have taken a number of courses in ethics and moral philosophy. Yes, I know about categorical imperatives, and I would like a world where people are largely allowed to love who they love, so long as they are consenting adults, putting NAMBLA objections aside. Love is of paramount importance to human existence, and interfering with it unnecessarily may be about as unethical as unethical gets.
When was such a compact made? The restrictions we do see at some universities may have much to do about image or fear of lawsuits, not about ethics. Some colleges used to rule out interracial dating. Should students there have just looked for another school?
Many illegal things are perfectly moral I would count smoking pot as one of them The logic of your objections seems to rule out even being friends with former students or with anyone falling in love at work where Americans spend most of their waking time Are you singling out sex as being of paramount importance?
Teacher Leaves Family for Student, Quits Job; Student Drops Out
Can someone play poker with a former student? Professors have favorite students just as parents have favorite children. The problem are when there are ubenjamingaleschreck.comofessional consequences, such as with grades.
But we are talking about afterwards, when such concrete consequences are over. Most professors hardly ever interact with their former students and so most students lose nothing by losing a potential supervisor. They also have thirty or more other professors they can talk to. But really, the former student is likely to gain MORE from having a relationship with a former professor.