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Posted by: Dill Posted on: 15.05.2020

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Significant age disparity in sexual relationships has been a feature of both heterosexual and same-sex couples in many cultures and societies. The most common pattern in heterosexual couples is an older man with a younger woman. This may be brought about as an arranged marriage , or either member may pursue and initiate the relationship in those societies that favor freer association. Situations involving a younger male with an older female also exist, but are not as common. Age disparity in extreme cases may be seen as dysfunctional a paraphilia if such relationships are pursued to the exclusion of all others and to the detriment of the partners. The term alphamegamia can be used when a person is sexually aroused by partners of a different age group [1] , and " chronophilia " can describe a sexual fixation on members of a different age group.

The term alphamegamia can be used when a person is sexually aroused by partners of a different age group [1]and " chronophilia " can describe a sexual fixation on members of a different age group.

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Historically, unequal pairings are quite common, if not the rule. In Classical Greecemen would typically marry around the age of thirty, and would take wives in their mid-teens, around half their age. Men in positions of prestige or power have often taken young women as lovers or wives.

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Similarly, women of influence have also initiated relationships with younger men. Many arranged marriages have been age-disparate, with the husband being much older than the wife.

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Mail-order brides have been frequently younger than their husbands. Age disparity in same-sex male relationships was even more historically common than age similarity in such relationships. Monarchs have traditionally exercised the freedom to choose younger spouses; Henry VIIIfor instance, chose women far younger than himself as some of his wives, and a number of female monarchs have chosen younger consorts.

Sultans from the Middle-East maintained entire harems of much younger women. Other historical examples include John Rolfe and Pocahontasand Laura Ingalls Wilder and Almanzo Wilder both ten-year differences in America; William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway eight-year difference in England; and Mohamme the prophet of Islamwas 15 years younger than his first wife Khadija. In keeping with modern American mores, a folk formula sometimes referred to as the Trophy Rule seems to have evolved so as to compute correct disparities of age between older and younger partners, this being "divide by two and add seven", that is, the younger partner in a relationship should be at least seven years older than half the older partner's age, else the relationship is liable to be subject to moral disapprobation.

The United States Census Bureau 's March statistics show that onlyunmarried American couples are more than five years divergent in age, and 7 in of women who have married more than once have a husband six or more years younger than they. Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were only seven years different in their ages but apparently believed that it was less socially acceptable for an older woman to marry a younger man, and hence split the difference in their ages and both claimed to have been born in Women generally begin to lose fertility as they enter their late twenties, and lose it completely after menopausewhile men remain almost fully fertile until much later in life.

In other words, while the rule states that year-old women can feel comfortable dating year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women. Women in their 40s. Older Woman/Younger Man Relationships.

Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile. Certainly, anyone deliberately looking for a mate to breed with must pick someone of an age of likely fertility. Moreover, senior men, even during prehistoric times, often had access to relationships and resources which would allow for them to foster the growth of their offspring. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman's current older boyfriend, who was by her side.

Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to it that she had what she needed during her recuperation.

That older man (or woman) may just be someone who is a good fit, and, like other couples who defy stereotypes, the pair's psychological bonding can transcend the demographics. Dating an older man makes some women feel more attractive, especially in our ageist society. Joanna Goddard - a writer for - benjamingaleschreck.com - argues for the age gap by drawing on her own experience dating a man 13 years her senior. "Perhaps the biggest reason I like dating an older man is the way it makes me feel," Goddard writes. "No matter how wrinkled I get, I'll always be 13 years his junior. Sex with an older woman The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the .

After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early 20s. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club.

His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the "young woman trial period.

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He decided this time to accept it. His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not?

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She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla's flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older - and for Fred, that still wasn't enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.

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After a year or so of taking a "time-out," Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred's respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:. It equates to stability.

Research by Gloria Cowan found that relationships in which the woman was older were perceived as less likely to be successful as compared with relationships without an age gap.[ii] Cowan. Oct 10,   Women do typically gain a significantly stronger sex drive in their late 30's to late 40's. Men, however, typically experience a steady decline. This does not help matters at all. Nov 24,   Older Woman/Younger Man Relationships. Almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger).Author: Jean Lawrence.

They've already figured out who they are. Maybe not all the time, but a lot more often than younger women. They are all-around much more attractive to me. You know this is the kind of person who's going to tell you exactly what they want and they are more sure of themselves than the people my age or younger.

Older women are much more well rounded - they know what they feel and why they feel it.

Psychology of dating an older woman

It has a snowball effect all the way around. It's adventurous for both of us, because it's a whole new exciting journey. Younger women just don't allow me to grow in the ways older women do. I considered it a hell of a jump start on life.

Certainly, there are challenges for the men as well as the women in these relationships.

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For example, the issue of having or not having children came up repeatedly:. My second - I was 28 and she was 41 - lasted three years and we lived together for one year. The main thing that attracted me was the overall calm of an older woman. There is a frenetic energy with a younger woman that can be very exciting and very cute, but not for my personality.

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Neither of my relationships was about being mothered. Both women were professionals, very focused on their work lives and extremely confident and sure of themselves. That was very attractive to me. Ultimately, Lenny's last relationship ended when he wanted children and his partner of 43 did not. Of course, the issue of "Will I want children later on?

In vitro fertilization by donor eggs and other reproductive methods have greatly changed the fertility prognosis for older women. Pregnancy at ages once reserved for "miracles" is now a medical possibility. Other challenges for the younger men occurred in the form of disapproval and criticism from friends and colleagues similar, although not as severe, to what the older women experienced.

The men my age and older were jealous that I was with her. They would look at me as if I had something they wanted and didn't have and, because I was younger, they reacted more strongly.

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And women my age disapproved of the relationship. I guess some of these people thought I was trying to prove something - I wasn't. Our relationship just made me feel great.

She was great! I was proud of who she was and what we had together. Overall, however, it seems that such criticism is not as big an obstacle for men in these relationships as for women. In fact, some men received support and admiration from peers and co-workers. They respected what I had with her, which was an emotional connection with an experienced, centered person. Most people's reactions have been good. There have been no negative attitudes or comments given to me that stick out in my head.

Actually, many people have asked my partner and me for advice. The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced.

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Now she has come to the disappointing realization that he was not Superman. He was just an older man. When you are young anyone older should be able to impress you.

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They typically are more responsible and confident and knowledgeable. They ask you deep questions. They are not just after one thing. Once the younger woman and her peers grow older too, she begins seeing her older husband as ordinary, maybe even as just old. She feels conned. Meanwhile, he has no idea what went wrong. Honestly, I always feel sad for both of them. Then there is sex. Men, however, typically experience a steady decline.

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This does not help matters at all. So, the stereotype in my mind was very wrong. I find that both the younger woman and the older man had good intentions going in. However, they do almost always hit this critical stage when the veil has dropped and reality sets in. I always advise people to date and marry within ten years in age; beginning no sooner than 25 to As great as it is to have a young partner show you new things, and an older partner teach you new things, there is no substitute for a partner who is your peer.

No one can ever go back to the beginning of any relationship.

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They are just never as easy as they seemed in the beginning. These couples should go to counseling.

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They must learn to let each other change.



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