Nichole Fratangelo. Dating is hard enough without all the expectations we set for our partners, yet we're all guilty of having them. While we normally think of men having an unattainable "body ideal" for women, the truth is women also have an "ideal" body type for the men they pursue. Most guys are more likely to consider shape and weight when it comes to a female significant other, but women tend to focus on height as a dealbreaker. According to many ladies, dating a short dude is a big no-no. What's even more concerning is the fact that only a small percentage of men actually meet women's height "requirements.
However, she's also Nigerian and from a tribe where they give you a ton of shit if you don't marry someone from that tribe. Her mother one day asks her when is she going to stop messing around with this white boy and find yourself a husband to marry.
Long story short, she ended up marrying someone I went to college with and she's absolutely miserable today. I won't go into more details than I already have other than to say she's miserable.
This is why I'm often not sympathetic when women complain that they can't find any good men. This enrages me so much. I fucking hate this. It makes me wish ill on these people not physically, but I hope they "get their comeuppance" and that's not the person I am or want to be. I hope one day to be as comfortable and secure as you GrandBuba. But reading this makes my blood fucking boil. I grew up in a few not-so-kind areas and have traveled extensivly.
I have never in my life seen someone beaten up for "being short". Short guys tend to cop an attitude with others, so your boyfriend probably overheard these guys saying something about him being short and then he lipped off at them. He wasn't beaten up for being short, he was probably beaten up because he antagonized 3 large, drunk men. Are there any other mass generalisations you'd like to throw at me purely based on your own life experiences?
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You specifically said: "Yeah, I overheard a lot of 'what is she doing with him' remarks. It's rare for a group of guys to just start randomly beating someone else up. It's even more rare that they did it because he is shorter than you.
I have two buddies who are short: One is 5'4 the other is 5'2 at least that's what they told me. I've seen them take shit before for being short, but they always escalated the situation by talking shit right back. Oh I told them to piss off alright; three men trying to accost a woman on her own at 3 o'clock in the morning? What should I have done? Said 'no worries, I'll spread my legs for you, but only one at a time please'?
He was m down a hill when they started on me; they didn't even know he was with me until he caught up with us. So it wasn't about your boyfriends height at all, it was about them being drunk and attempting to assault you?
I think most guys don't have objections to dating taller or shorter women. But it seems that taller women love to make a big deal about not wanting to date shorter men. Seriously, I've seen a ton of women rant about the shortage of tall men on their online dating profiles I'm fairly tall, but I swipe left every time I see such douchebaggery. Mar 13, Plenty of women describe their dream man as being tall - six feet or more. But judging by the statistics, that's pretty tough to find. "I am definitely attracted to taller guys," one user. This is a sub for tall women dating short men, short men dating short women, tall women dating tall men, etc. Post about your challenges while dating, happy moments, pictures-anything related to dating heights outside of the "norm.".
Why would three drunk guys assault a woman when there is obviously a short person they can pick on? Let me just sulk away to the bar where I hopefully don't see any short guy that will enrage me and my fellow tall brethren, by simply existing, to the point that we resort to violence.
I've been hit on a lot with the "You're a tall girl, I like that" line. Yes, that's apparently a line. However, if I even entertain them for more than a few minutes, they usually back off and get intimidated by me I'm also very confident. All of my boyfriends were always shorter than me, and only one or two really made a comment about feeling inferior because they were shorter. One guy requested that I not wear shoes with any form of heel. I say that you shouldn't let it be limiting and that you should still go out with shorter men.
What I've found is that the height difference is only uncomfortable in public if you allow it to be. My current boyfriend loves the fact that I'm a tiny bit taller I've only got about inches on him. He thinks I'm incredible and just wants to show me off to the world.
Hang in there, you long-legged gazelle, you. The men I date properly are often shorter and confident. An ex of mine was 4inches shorter and was always throwing me over his shoulder in bars and on the middle of a street. I never noticed the height difference and other people forgot it quickly too. There are many men who are confident and charismatic enough to overcome height difference.
I suppose the point of my post was to acknowledge that it is a problem and to try and encourage people to think different of odd heighted couples. No problem : Continue representing odd-heighted couples and changing the minds of the world! I actually went out with a guy who was significantly taller than me. It wasn't really all it was cracked up to be anyway! I saw a guy try that and get crushed buahaha. I've been in that situation before on a number of occasions being my height in Western Europe brings about the fact that a lot of women will be taller than you, meh.
The other one, that girl was my personal red-carpet movie star material when we went out. An insight in the feeble minds of the likes of me: going out with a girl who's taller than you brings about very, very ugly demeanor in others taller guys moving in because you 'deserve better', dissing him and you, people making remarks, mocking, calling you names, etc.
Going out and showing a girl a great time is a lot better precursor to that than playing with a cat, no? I understand that.
It isn't always the men who avoid putting themselves in a position for public judgement.
If you are a short man who likes tall women, but isn't brave enough to be out and in public with them, then I think they should find "tall woman" porn and come to terms with a life of fantasising. But there's a difference between putting yourself out there as a short dude and receiving crap, most of us are used to thatand putting your new-found interest out there and immediately confront her with 'how it sometimes is' dating a shorter dude. So there's this scramble to avoid that at first.
Go out with a tall dude, and you'll receive praise from friends, mothers etc. It's not so much about showing you off to the world, but also about showing you how easy it is dating them. I would opt for an activity with friends at first, then move on to more 'open' things. The most horrid things we've had thrown at us as a couple where in a damn amusement park I understand that but sat down at a coffee shop is nice and easy.
Not too obtrusive to our delicate egos. They say I have "an equal opportunities vagina". Incredibly charming description. He was a bit older too. He decided to introduce me to his friends which I was really excited about until I discovered they thought I was a prostitute. Kind of put a damper on things. No, it's usually either the alcohol or anonymity talking. Most of those where youngsters as well, most older people know to 'keep it inside'.
Thoughts about it don't change, the level of 'vocality' does Are you Miranda Hart by any chance?
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You've got like the exact same kind of humour I concur. As a short man I encouraged my tall girlfriend to do whatever she enjoyed wear heels, go into public spaces, show off that we're a couple and take initiative since I wanted her to be happy - even if confidence isn't my strong suit.
Whenever we discussed these things, I'd assure her that I want her to keep doing these things even when I'm uneasy; I never want to put any limits on her desires and dreams, and I always support her.
It's easy to rush to judgment and say that men should always act confident or it's a deal-breaker; I'd say that a man should support his woman and they should "fake" confidence and keep trying until they develop real confidence.
I can't say much. My current boyfriend is under six foot tall but he loves having me. Just this evening he was staring at me, sitting on the sofa with my legs up, and trying to work out how I could possibly have such long legs. It's like your legs are as long as I am! So I'm sorry I can't offer much advice other than you go, keep being confident, and knickers to the guys who think you should be hidden away - they're probably not the sort of guy you want to be with in the long run.
Haha, hello! Thank you. That sounds wonderful. Exactly what I mean, when a guy has confidence it can work amazingly! Enjoy the nice evening. I've been married to my 2" taller wife now for over 25 years.
We have always done plenty of stuff in public. She wears heels when she wants. We don't go dancing as much anymore. I think maybe you are meeting the wrong type of short guy. Some shorter guys do get squirelly about being seen in public with a woman who is noticeably taller.
Might be a confidence thing. I've experienced this problem, but I've also dated shorter guys that were confident and had no problem being out and about with me. It's all a confidence issue, and how they feel about themselves. So have I, a shorter guy can still make me feel feminine and dainty provided they have confidence. It's like, I wish more guys realized that their height is really not that big of a deal. Sports writer Steve Rushin is married to sports baller Lisa Lobo, and he had a column about the little things that are different when the woman is taller than the man.
Rushin is an inch taller than Lobo but with her heels she topped him. For example, when you go to a restaurant the host looks at the woman and asks how many instead of the man like usual. My guess is that some guys pick up on those cues, and it feels weird, so they try to avoid those situations. I'm not saying it's easy. What I am saying is to not pursue tall women if you aren't comfortable with the difficulties it faces. After all, we are still women and I don't know any girls who are happy with any form of relationship taking place solely in an apartment.
Even if it has a great view It could also be that they just want a quick hookup and not a real dating opportunity. I mean, especially if the guy is like "Come over to play with my cat. There may be other underlying issues, but it's fairly common in online dating for the guys to just want you to come over and sleep with them.
Yeah, I am aware of that and did mention it in my post. I just simplified a couple of examples for ease. That's a sub dedicated to people on the other end of the height spectrum and the issues they face. They might not be able to give you a solution, but can likely offer better perspective.
I did see that but everyone seemed quite angry so I didn't expect I would be particularly welcome. I always figured being tall was a good way to weed out the insecure ones, but it did get discouraging at times. Especially in high school when young men were concerned about fitting in. I actually got a sincere "You'd be pretty if you weren't so tall" once. Hang in there. I dated some great guys short and tall and my husband is solid gold.
He says he loves to watch people's reaction to me when I walk in a room.
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He finds their startled look amusing. Society won't become more accepting if you attempt to hide yourselves away from it. It's not embarrassment of you or their tastes, just that they'll feel smaller and more threatened again, not every short guy, but some. I've known three or four guys that are significantly shorter than their SOs and don't mind showing it, so I know guys like that are out there, unfortunately it seems you've been with the other ones.
I've known some of those as well, admit to being into someone taller and saying it would never work out because she's too tall. Either they'll mature enough to care less, or they'll be lonely.
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But make that request up front and it should help you weed out the embarrassed guys I'd think. Tall guy here, so I guess my opinion doesn't really 'matter' on this post, that being said I wanted to point out that personally, I would never suggest a private area as a first place to meet after knowing someone online. You might be crazy, you might be a pain in the arse to talk to in real life Better be safe than sorry Regarding your post, unfortunately I think it's a confidence problem.
How you feel other people perceive you and how you really are. Personally I'm not used to see woman dating shorter guys, so when I see it on the street for instance, it 'shocks' me a little bit, after the first impression though, if you are guys happy, good for you! I never meet someone in private on a first meeting. That would be incredibly dumb!
Because that's what it is: girl chooses a -gasp- short guy over them. To some this is a trigger to 'put things right'. Especially when alcohol comes into play and reserve goes out of the window. So maybe shorter guys just get sick of getting grief from other men. I got sick of having my girl . I'm a female 5'8" dating a male 5'5". I absolutely love his height difference and enjoy being taller and the benefits that come with it. He claims there cannot be another woman who would be willing to date someone his benjamingaleschreck.com I really that rare of an occurrence? Is it that strange for a woman to want to date a shorter man? Short feminine guy here (5'8") imho being a tall girl shoulnt make you less femanine, but then again beaty is in the eye of the beholder, its just gonna depend on the men you date, i really like girls to be taller than me so to me theyre femanine empowering cute and provide comfort (not to mention i just dont like a lot of masculine things) but.
If I happened to end up at a serial killers house I can Imagine my friends at my funeral just like "well She kind of had it coming. Natural selection and all that". I mention that I am more than aware that not all men are the same. I was just speaking of the men I encountered and generalising any I hadn't who may think in a similar way.
I've been guilty myself of staring at an odd height couple. It's natural to do so and people are always curious. At the end of the day, stares aren't that bad. I'm aware I live in a big city and so due to the anonymity it could be considered easier to break social and dating conventions but I previously lived in a small town and I found that was easier. People became accustomed to us. Most guys I've dated have been shorter than me and has never been a problem.
I guess it's because most tall men don't really care about the woman's height. Height does not determine personal character, short or tall. Acting like a short guy has wonderful personality and character by nature of being short is equally as fallible as assuming a tall guy will have the personality you want. OP should decide how much height really matters to her and hopefully find someone, regardless of height, with complimentary values and personality to her own.
Everyone has their own preference. My boyfriend is a bit shorter than me and at first I felt bad because I thought he wants a petite girl because I thought this was the definition of feminity. But I stopped caring especially that I don't feel manly around him at all he's well built and weights way more than me and he's just very manly in general so I don't know why would i care about this 5cm difference.
My boyfriend is shorter than me by about 3 inches and yet I feel so feminine and loved by him. Men my height or taller made me feel like a giant tbh because they could never her over how tall I am, and my current bf has never made it an issue. It truly comes down to personality, communication, and attraction.
It does matter to me. So being around guys who are smaller than me just amplifies that by x, I feel huge and lumbery and manly. I was just so physically uncomfortable, I felt like I could envelope them. Can relate and there is no need to justify yourself for having a totally normal opinion.
Interestingly, insisting on taller dates becomes only a problem if the woman is tall. If an average woman says that, it's just normal. Keep working on getting over your insecurities and in the meantime, date a man who you feel comfortable being vulnerable around, because you should talk about those insecurities with him. Let him know that your height makes you feel more masculine than you're comfortable with and ask him to experiment with you to help find things that make you feel more feminine.
A straight women wanting a masculine guy is not something that has to therapeutically fixed, it's the normal thing! I agree. That's one of the things my 5'11" GF loves the most about me: 5'2" and masculine as fuck.
Nobody said anything about masculine men. OP said that her height made her feel masculine and that that's something she feels insecure about. And when someone has an insecurity that they feel is inhibiting them, as OP clearly stated they do, it's healthy to work on moving past that. She feels masculine because being with this guy feels like being with a woman and not with a man.
That's how I interpret it. And it coincides with my own experiences. As a bisexual woman, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that being with short men is in no way like being with a woman. And I don't even mean sexually. Even with masculine women and feminine men, the whole atmosphere is completely different. But OP stated, it's not about the men, it's about her own insecurities and she's asking for advice about getting over them.
As a straight, tall woman I know what the OP is talking about. Being tall as a woman questions our femininity on a daily basis already.
Add a shorter man to the mix and you get really uncomfortable. This is not an "insecurity", this is what being straight and having sexual preferences is about.
When women express their sexual desires, it's not "insecurity", it is "security"!
And it's nothing one has to "overcome". OP just needs the experience of a taller man and that's it. You're ignoring what the OP has said about how they feel and what they want in order to project your own issues onto them. Not only is it not helpful, it's not even accurate. Referring to my own experiences in a sub that has exactly this topic is not "projecting".
I am offering my point of view. Besides that, I doubt that we have the same point of view since you are bisexual. Ignoring what the OP said, ignoring what I've said, and focusing solely on the issue you want to talk about regardless of its irrelevance is textbook projecting. Neither my sexuality nor your failed relationship has anything to do with the topic at hand - how OP can get over height-related insecurities in order to expand her dating pool.
Making your own comment to talk about how you feel about dating shorter men, as per the first question, is fine. Jumping on my ass to vilify me for answering an entirely different question isn't. Just my own thoughts on the matter. This is not reciprocal because a taller woman can be a trophy, as long as she has a slim figure.
So men with taller women feel even more "as a man" because they "scored her". The other way around is never like that. You settle for a shorter man because he's rich or has a great personality and you have other priorities than height. Which is fine btw. I think as a society we are really getting better about accepting lots of different social issues, like LGBTQ rights, racial and cultural issues, etc.
As a father of a young daughter, it really bothers me that I have to shop in the boys section more often than not to find stuff that interests my daughter like dinosaurs and Minecraft. Even stuff that is supposed to promote female empowerment often feels like it is missing the mark. Having personal preferences is totally fine, but I think it should be just that - personal preference, not some kind of standard pushed on us by society.
Anyway, sorry to turn this into a bit of a rant. This isn't about gender roles and society and how the "odd" couple is being perceived. If this was the case a shorter date would only be a problem in public. It's not. It's also a problem in the privacy of the bedroom. It was for me.
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But judging by the statistics, that's pretty tough to find. I do prefer it. I like feeling small when I'm with a guy. She also added that she's found that most shorter guys have a Napoleon complex and feel the need to overcompensate. In fact, some are so used to the whole "the man needs to be taller" norm that they're critical of other people's relationships, too. Studies show that men are much more open to dating someone outside of their height requirements than women are.
In general the guys that have been attracted to me have been shorter. It used to frustrate me when I was younger, but then I just decided to embrace it. I like that a guy has to be confident and secure in himself to date me.